Playground Diva

The Day Before College

2011-08-22T20:45:00.004-05:00

Today feels like it is the day before the first day of the rest of my life. & literally, it is. Tomorrow is my very first day of college. This is a day that was often in question as to whether or not it would ever actually happen.

Growing up, all I really wanted to do was be a wife. When I was 11 years old, I went to the wedding of a friend of mine & was utterly changed to my core. It was one of the single most powerful experiences I'd ever had. It was what kicked me from childhood into adolescence & what refocused my brain & heart & all of my dreams. Something about seeing my friend all dressed up in white, walking down a long aisle to a man that adored her, captured me. From age 11 until 18, when I was finally the girl all dressed in white, walking down an aisle to a man that adored me, I was singleminded in wanting nothing but becoming a wife. College was literally never a consideration for me.

Almost 8 years after I said 'I do', my focus has changed. I've been a wife for almost a decade now & I have three children. It didn't take long after I became Mrs. H. to discover that being a wife was not/could not be a singularly fulfilling life purpose. Because I was literally a teen wife, all of my peers were not married, but in school, getting higher educations. It wasn't so much a case of the grass being greener on the other side as much as it was a realization that I would be a better Heidi with an education. It mattered to my identity & to me as a wife & mother that I accomplish more than just becoming 'one flesh' with someone else.

There were many obstacles that needed overcoming, many experiences that needed having before I got to this day, The Day Before College. First, I had to figure out what the heck I even wanted to do besides being someone's Mrs. It was an incredibly involved process of discovering who I was. My father loved me with every fiber, but he wasn't exactly attentive to me, so I just kind of floated about as a kid & teen. I never had anyone telling me, "You're good at this." or, "You're smart. Write more.". It seems a bit too simple, but I really had no other desire than to be someone's wife. I never thought about how smart I was, or that I was always, even from a very early age, intensely interested in interior design & fashion. It never occurred to me that I had an ability in anything. My whole world orbited the idea/fantasy of being the best wife since Esther. One can imagine that when I finally landed on the idea of focusing on interior design or fashion as a career for myself, it added another desperately needed & essential dimension to me & my identity. I remember feeling empowered. It was at once bitter & sweet.

The bitter of my added dimension harkened back to never being told that I was smart. My intelligence was a non-issue, both to me & to my parents. I had an unconventional school career in that I attended public school through the 8th grade & then was home schooled for all of high school. There were a couple of people in my life who made some pretty damaging comments about my abilities which sort of seeped into my brain as truth. I didn't have anyone, like a parent, to go back to after being told something like, "You should be glad you have no talent..." who could help me process through & refute such untruths. To my young mind, there wasn't anything reason not to believe what I heard, so I just believed it. Also, because I didn't have big dreams for Harvard or even the local community college, it didn't really bother me that I might not be all that smart. Who needs brains to be a good wife?

But much like other negative or traumatizing experiences, those words were like little bombs that were planted, waiting until my identity-crisis ridden early twenties to detonate. It wasn't until I seriously started to think about going to college that huge waves of insecurity over not being smart enough hit me, paralyzing me. I had a mentality of, "Everyone else is smart enough for college. Just not me. Oh well." When I would talk of going to college, I would almost speak of it as a theory. Indeed, I was 21 years old before someone ever told me that I was actually intelligent (I word I just had to spellcheck, HA!) It simply blew. me. away. The dude, who himself had his PhD, had read something I'd written & from that thought I had my masters in writing. I thought he was joking.

He said, "No, seriously."

I said, "No. Seriously."

He said, "Well do you have your bachelors?"

I laughed. He didn't.

I stumbled over my words, at first embarrassed as I realized he was serious, & then meekly stated that I'd never some much as earned a single credit hour. He told me in all seriousness that I was intelligent. I was in a daze.

It was an idea that I found really hard to accept. I think I must be naturally attracted to who I consider incredibly intelligent people, because all of my best friends are off the charts in terms of brain power-- one is in her third year of Law School, another graduated from UT with highest honors, & the other is incredibly clever & quick whited. My husband also has brains coming out the wazoo. I'd always kind of regarded myself as the little kid sitting at the feet of these intellectual giants just basking in their smarty-pants shadow. They were who I called the 'i' word, something I thought was up there with being called doctor. It took me a bit before I would even admit to them that this man had called me smart. They all know him & know he's legit. I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be making a fool out of myself by calling myself smart. I also REALLY didn't want to come off as boastful, especially since I barely believed that I could be mistaken for someone with such a high education.

Thankfully, it seems I'm also really attracted to incredibly kind & supportive people, because once I finally shared my experience with them, all of them affirmed me in the idea that, yes, I am smart & 100% capable of going to college & doing very well.

It's been a few years since then. I've been busy doing other things, like staying home with my pre-school aged kids & having another baby just to spice things up. My youngest is now almost two & with the other two in school everyday of the week, it felt like now was a perfect time to pull the trigger & go to college.

My plan is to get my core classes, about 30 hours, out of the way at ACC & then transfer to a four year university to finish up a degree in interior design. I'm taking four classes, 12 credit hours, this first semester, so I'm technically full-time. My dear friend will be nanning River for me while I'm at class two days a week, & Mrs W., or Fanny as she's more fittingly called by us, will have River all day on Wednesday so I can have one full day of quiet, uninterrupted study time. I am seriously blessed beyond words. It all feels like confirmation that this is the right time. I'm ready.

Rockin' The Oomph

2011-04-13T13:45:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I got the most wonderful package in the mail direct from Rebecca at Rock Oomph, one of my all time favorite style blogs. About a month ago I signed up for an awesome giveaway she was having, & lo, I WON!

Cue Heidi happy dancing.

Avert your eyes, it was worrisome, the moves I was making.

So anyNoMoreScaryDancingway, when I opened my mailbox yesterday, it was stuffed full of my prize plus a couple other wonderful things that I'll be blogging about in the very near future. My outfit, which I'd already picked out & was wearing, was inspired by Rebecca's edgy style, so as soon as I got the beautiful necklace, bracelet & belt out of their packaging, I put them on right away. It was the most brilliant coincidence that I would wear something inspired by Rebecca & then get her giveaway in the mail on the same day! I did save the belt for another day, but the above is what I wore yesterday. I LOVE IT!

I need to say that Rebecca went above & beyond in her generosity towards me & I was flying pretty high yesterday because of it. There's almost nothing as wonderful as kindness; it's effects on people are unexpectedly great & far reaching. I'm deeply impressed by the kindness of almost-strangers towards me & purpose to fully pay it forward when the opportunity presents itself. The pieces Rebecca sent me are worn with deep gratitude & are prized as very meaningful.

& now I'm going to go put Britney Spears' new song 'Till The World Ends" on repeat & dance my way through cleaning the kitchen. Best way to do, I say!

That Time I Got Called A Slut

2011-04-11T23:37:00.001-05:00

So I dragging myself out of bed yesterday morning & got fueled & ready for my long run. Ezekiel English muffin & peanut butter with a Nalgene full of pure, delicious water. I headed out the door & left Ed & the kids & my messy house behind to worry about themselves. I hit the trails at about 11am at my favorite place to run & then proceeded to totally run myself into the ground. Sucky. It was totally unintentional, & there are lots of reasons why yesterday's run didn't go well (it's now pretty much too hot to run at 11am in Austin, I listened more to the beat of my music than my body, ect, ect), but the cold hard facts are that something I was really looking forward to doing, turned out badly. I really hate it when that happens.
So by the time I got to Target, a planned post-run stop to get a few things, I was feeling pretty low. I walk in, still sweaty, still decked out in full running gear & still self-talking my way back from the edge because my run went badly. I head right to the cafe for some chow. I ordered their yummy flat bread sandwich & while doing so, couldn't help but notice that the older cashier lady was full-on checking me out. She had short-ish hair & no makeup, but other than her checking me out big time, my gay-dar wasn't signaling at all. I figured that she must be deep in thought about when it would be time to change the syrup in the icee machine behind me & that's why she was staring me down. I get my drink, sit down to wait for my sandwich when she speaks,

"Do you go to Local Highschool?"
"Nope."
"Oh, where do you go."
"Uh, I don't. & I didn't grow up in Texas, so I didn't go to any other schools here."

Conversation over. Minutes pass & instead of being offended that I was mistaken for a highschooler or even worrying that maybe I was dressed too young for my age (I mean, come on, running gear is generally pretty age-neutral) I was flattered that maybe the still glistening sweat on my face took 8 years off me. All of the sudden there's my food & the lady again. She pulls up a seat at my table & sits down to chat. Um, ok. I can roll with this. & then she says this little gem,

"So are you hear for the Texas Relays?"
BEAMING, I giggle out "No! But my friend was..."

Y'all!!!! She thought that per the way I was dressed & how fit I looked that I could have possibly been here for the TEXAS RELAYS!!!!!! This is epic to me because I often wonder (as I assume other runners do) if I look like a real runner. At that moment, having just come from a pretty awful run & feeling decidedly not-runnerish, I really needed to have something so wonderful assumed about me.

After that, she asked me if I was in school (no), worked (nope), what then (three kids, stay at home), & my flat bread sandwich was devoured over a friendly chit-chat with an older Target employee who had no idea that she made my day.

But then, a little later, while looking at the purses, a cloud attempted to roll over my newly made day & ruin it all.

I was innocently minding my own business over an adorable gray purse when another older lady browsing the purses strolled up next to me, stopped, looked me up & down in my running outfit (bright yellow shoes, tv-sized running watch, visor, hand-me-down Baylor running shirt that Chick gave me & THESE Nike compression shorts) & then with a grumpy old face, mutters, "Slut."

I starred at her in absolute disbelief. Certainly I hadn't heard what I think I just heard her say. But no. She stood there, face twisted in judgment, & we starred each other down. Then she slowly walked away.

SURE. My shorts are short & tight. But they're running shorts. & whats more, it's not like I was wearing those shorts for a quick run out to the store to grab some crackers & a desperate piece of ass!! I had just come from running as was obvious from EVERYTHING ELSE I WAS WEARING including SWEAT!

Because I was so dumbfounded by having just heard what I think I heard come out of the mouth of a middle aged woman directed at me, I didn't respond. I just could. not. believe. she. called. me. that.

& now I rant.

Why is it that short, tight, running shorts worn by someone who was obviously wearing them for their purpose, would garner such a comment from someone, when (assume with me here people, for the sake of argument) wearing a bikini, or even a tankini wouldn't? I mean, short & tight though they may be, they are much more ass-covering than a bikini bottom!! & most people don't blink an eye at women wearing bikini bottoms, whether with a bikini top or tankini. I personally know someone, for instance, who seems to have a double standard on this very issue. When pressed, she admitted that she thinks it would still be more modest to run in a sports bra & regular running shorts than in a shirt & the compression shorts I was wearing. & this coming from someone who wears a bikini during the summer & who also sports a bikini-cut bottom one-piece when trying to be more "modest" at the pool.

DUH-OUBLE STANDARD!!!

Again, I honest to goodness, swearsies, that I do not wear ANY of my running clothes for anything other then to run in (I have a weird thing about those clothes being sacred for their purpose), so that I am always properly & purposefully dressed. If you catch me dressed in running clothes, you can bet cashmoney that I'm either about to run, have run or am running.

One could certainly & successfully, even rightfully argue that my wee compression shorts are less modest than regular Nike trainers, & that with the viable option of wearing more modest shorts, I should. But I could also argue that bikini bottoms on swimsuits bare a ton more skin than my compression shorts & are therefore less modest. I could also argue that alternatives can be found to bikini bottoms & should be worn instead. Like this little gem: (oh yes, I know people who wear stuff like this to swim in. I'm not shitting you.)

I guess that's why it was more dumbfounding that anything else that a jaded older woman at Target called me a slut. I actually felt sorry for her. (oh yes, I'm using the pity-tactic) What a small, sad life she must lead.

Kidding.

Okay, maybe not.

But in all seriousness, I am secure in my moral ground. I know I'm not a slut & I know that wearing those shorts to run in doesn't make me a slut. Wearing those certain compression shorts was actually a goal of mine to reach both as a runner & for myself personally. I worked my ass of to be fit enough to wear them & now I am. & so now I shall. I see no difference in my having the goal to want to wear those as another woman has a goal to be fit enough to wear a bikini. Yet somehow.... angry judging words. The moral of this story is if you're going to call someone a slut, don't. Just don't. & also, maybe check yourself for double standards. They may be showing & that's just unfortunate.

You Can't Be Here Looking....

2011-04-07T21:42:00.000-05:00

Ed is sitting next to me while I type this. I told him to go away because he's crimping my blogging style, but there he continues to sit... chomping away on potato chips.

& that's what I've come to blog about. Ed & his effing potato chips. Or his effing cherry covered pretzels. Or his effing slow-simmered pulled pork tacos. Oh my, slow-simmered pulled pork tacos. I made them so I should know that they're delicious. But I also ate them HOURS ago when it was dinner & now that Ed is home from his late-late class, he's hungry & is busting out the snacks & attempting to bust my gut, too.

Editors Note {because "editor" sounds fancy, & I'm wearing my fancy pants tonight, so Editor it is. Or I am. Whatever.} I lied. Ed's potato chips aren't actually what I came to blog about. There is another blog entry brewing, one which I was working on when I was interrupted by Ed coming home from school. Ed would like to take over the computer/tv now (we combined them) to watch a movie. Hence him sitting next to me. So the post is POSTponed. Hearty-har-har.)

Oh My Freakin' Gawd.

2011-03-28T12:47:00.000-05:00

This is what Audrey looked like when she got off the bus today:

You might be asking yourself, "What the G-D kinda outfit is that?" & my answer to you is: Observe. Her dress is on backwards & because she dressed herself this morning, she miss-buttoned it.

Epically.

& while I hope y'all will get a chuckle out of this, I have to admit that I did not. In fact, this straight up pissed me off. Please, allow me a wee rant.

Firstly, POOR AUDREY! She must have been so uncomfortable all day! AGGGGHHH!

Secondly, where was Ed?! Ed is responsible for getting the kids up in the mornings, dressing them, feeding them & seeing them off to the bus. Per-usual, I pick out the kids outfits the night before as to avoid such tragic scenes as I was met with one day when Sis jumped off the bus in faded red heart tights & a blue & green stripped pj top.

Yeah. That's all she was wearing.

Sister looked like she'd rolled out of the Goodwill reject pile. That's what happens when Ed &/or Audrey are left to fend for themselves in the outfit department. My mouth literally dropped open when she got off the bus. It was a very polarizing experience for me, considering that I am Heidi. So as to prevent something like that from ever happening again, Ed & I agreed that we'd make it easy on everyone & I'd lay out the kids outfits for the next day.

You'd think this would solve the problem, but APPARENTLY not! Observe again:

Is it too much to say I almost cried? I'm being serious here. Instantly upon seeing this, visions of her teacher judging my kid with a wicked side eye & a big, "WTF?!" swarmed my head. Not to mention my playing the scene this morning in my head-- Ed making breakfast, finding backpacks, shoes, jackets, & never once noticing something so glaringly obvious that it could have reached up & smacked him in the face. Also, I get that he's a boy & is also almost blind when it comes to observing details about things he doesn't give a shit, but her teacher isn't a boy. & I'm SURE Audrey didn't wear her jacket all day. I'm sure that her teacher could figure out that Audrey miss buttoned her dress this morning & that it would probably be kind to AUDREY to fix it for her.

But no. Cue me seething.

It's not that I think it's my kid's teacher's responsibility to make sure my child is properly dressed at all, but really?! This is ridiculous!

I'm mortified & feel guilty. I feel like Audrey walking out of the house looking so unkempt means that I'm a bad Mommy. I worry that Audrey looking sloppy will cause other kids at school to be mean to her & I want to prevent that as much as I can-- I suffered horribly as a kid because we were poor & my clothes were less than awesome. I'm not talking about outfitting my kid in the best of the best, name brand, hottest trends, but just making sure that there is no apparent reason for other kids to pick on her. I'm upset with Ed for not noticing & thusly thrusting her directly onto the path of possible bullying that I was trying to keep her off of & lastly, I feel like her teacher was a jerk for not helping Audrey. I feel like either her teacher is excessively in support of letting kids make & own their own choices (ie, she dressed herself this way, she doesn't mind, why change it?) or that she was trying to make a point that Audrey was badly dressed by not helping the situation.

Both of those assumptions, I'm sure, are wrong. But right now they feel right & I feel sad about the whole mess.

Ugh, someone get me a fry-pan to hit the hubby over the head with & also the world's tiniest violin to play. :(

Dog Days Are Over

2011-03-15T15:27:00.000-05:00

Jumping right back in.... here's a bit of what's been up with me lately, but in picture form. Enjoy!

Would you look at this boy? Going for a swing last weekend. I love his leggings.

I had many a cold runs over the winter. Even though it really didn't snow here, it got COLD. My coldest run was 21 degrees with an even colder wind chill & strong winds. That was the day wherein I earned extra Runner's Cred.

The day after Christmas my closest friends & I ran a 5k. It was my first & I kicked it's tushie, finishing in 25:10. I couldn't have done it without my running mentor/inspiration Chick, who runs for Baylor, pacing me. She's the one in the middle.

This is the scene that I walked in a found in my kids bathroom. This is also the scene that almost killed me due to laughing my ass off. My oldest, Clay, decided to show Audrey what he thought of her cool new suction toothbrush by sticking it to the inside of the toilet. I'm serious-- I was crying. I may have even thanked Clay for giving me such a good laugh. He did have to apologize to Audrey, though. Yeah, that too.

Oh yes, this scene also left me gasping for air. Noooo, River hadn't been bludgeoned... well, maybe he had, but it was with a soft felt tip purple marker. Ever the artist, Audrey thought River's head the perfect canvas for some serious abstract art. River's beautiful platinum blonde hair was purple. It rocked.

A tasty pizza I made. I've been cooking up a store over here at Chez Heidi.

The best (& ONLY) pre-Half-Marathon picture of me. NERVOUS!

But I did it. & I did it in 2:06, not 2:11. Just to clarify...

B was in from Cali & caught my big race. It was awesome to have her there.

& of course Chick!! What would a race be without her!

Knock, Knock, Who's There?

2011-03-15T01:21:00.001-05:00

Well, it's been a while. I almost feel shy coming back to my blog. I'm inching in the door, sorta unsure. Do I dare show my face here after such a long absence? I mean, it is my blog, but dude, it's been forever! For shame.

Right. So I feel like I want to take one very deep breath & within that one breath spew out all the news about me & my own that has taken place since... November. Will y'all put up with one gigantic update of a blog & allow me to return to a normal pace of blogging? I hope so, because it sure feels good to be back.

Firstly, my blogging came to a fairly abrupt end with the discontinuation of our internet service. We just couldn't pay that bill. I know the internet bill seems like such small beans, but when you haven't got many beans to begin with, the internet is the first thing to turn to fat & get trimmed. It's absolutely crazy to think about having internet as being a luxury. But that's the world my family & I have been living in these last several months. It's been a slim existence for us & although I've technically had my phone with which to blog (well, sometimes not-- sometimes it'd get extra, extra slim around my parts & the phone became fat, too) I just didn't have it within me to tap out posts, especially not about how hard my life was at that moment.

& it's been hard. Let's get real. There were a couple awful points during Christmastime where everything that wasn't bolted down was pawned. & that was to pay rent, not buy presents. Thank God for family & very generous friends. Our kids were none the wiser that they were thisclose to a Charlie Brown Christmas.

When I was about five, I had a very vivid dream about going to an ice cream shop & getting the ice cream cone of my dreams. My gosh, I can still remember this dream like I just woke up from it. Everything about the dream was so real, & I was in.heaven. The climax of my dream was finally getting my hands on the ice cream cone, bringing it to my mouth & taking a huge lick of it. Except at the very moment I licked it, I woke up. I'd awaken myself because in my sleep I was literally holding my arm out, hand around the cone, bringing it to my mouth & then liiiiiiick!

Except there was nothing there to lick. & that's what woke me up.

I can still remember the exceeding disappointment I felt. Talk about crushed dreams-- or hope deferred. It was so awful & I remember hoping very much that I hadn't just woken up, but the sinking feeling of reality wouldn't quit--

Yes, I was awake. In the middle of the night. In bed. No ice cream cone. Broken heart.

Those feelings are pretty much what Ed & I lived through except x100 in the last several months. On two different occasions, literally the day before we were to receive either expected financial aid or scheduled payment for jobs/taxes, our expectations & hope were shattered into a million little pieces because of WHATEVER. & this wouldn't have been so horrible, only that was all we had coming to us & there was nothing coming to us from any other place. It felt like waking up in the dark bedroom with no ice cream. Except it was intense frustration, panic & stress that we felt, as well as a general heart-sickness.

There is no skin on our teeth left.

Thankfully, eventually, things have loosened up a bit with part-time jobs & financial aid finally coming through & we've been able to put on a few pounds as it were. I don't really feel comfortable sharing much more, but I wanted to share this bit. I do appreciate the wonderful emails of support I've gotten from y'all over the last couple of months. It makes my heart pop that perfect strangers care & show it. Y'all are amazing people, you'll never know.

When The Going Gets Tough... The Tough Get Silent.

2010-12-12T20:01:00.001-06:00

My word it's been too long. Firstly, THANK YOU so much to all who have sent your kind words of encouragement my way. I was so surprised at how much they sustained me this last week or so. I have been deeply moved by the kindness of complete strangers. Also, there's nothing like one person coming along side another & sharing her story whilst she walks through the rough patch with her friend. That is exactly what y'all have done for me, & I was moved to tears by your support.

I known my blog has grown still & it's simply because our noses have been to the grindstone trying to get bills paid so emotionally I've been spent. I have missed blogging & dressing up, but sometimes stuff is a little too personal to share & sometimes stress makes it hard to even want to get dressed.

Some updates:

-We're without Internet for the time being, but we still have our phones so I'm able to tap this post out on my telly. I can take pictures & post them, too, but it'll be less awesome than usual.

Heh. I think so highly of myself.

Really. I do.

-It's looking like Ed has found a pretty solid part time job which blows my skirt up. Nothing like a possible regular income to trick my trigger!

- My running has been going splendidly despite the rest of my life being kind of bumpy. I'm getting faster, am able to run longer & generally just find running to be the best experience of my days lately.

Here's a picture of me coming around the corner at the end of my first ever race, the Turkey Trot. I'm very proud of it. :)

I go running instead of going insane. It works out well.

- I plan to start up my 30 day blog challenge that I dropped in order to do Kendi's 30 day challenge, which, incidentally, I have finished yet either. Maybe I can plan to finish both. Finishing last & flailing is better than not finishing at all, right?

- & lastly, what's a post without a picture? If I had could buy any outfit at this moment it would be this one. I love everything about it. Especially the black bra showing through. I have a thing about black bras showing through shirts. Not sure if that's a good thing, but until I figure that out-- wow-- I love this look.

Some Weight That Weighs Heavily Down

2010-12-04T00:11:00.001-06:00

I love my blog & I love blogging. I've been doing it since 2006 & have loved (almost) every minute of it. My blog has evolved & changed with me & having my evolution as a person is one of the main reasons I love blogging so much.

That said, I feel a bit wanting in my writing lately. Since starting daily outfit posts, I've felt somewhat constrained to keeping my entries short & fairly light. As a result, I've really missed my usual place of refuge-- my place to blab at length about my life without feeling obligated to post a picture. My blog is a lot like my journal & while I've learned (the hard way) not to get too personal, I still feel a real need for the therapeutic release of writing.

So to all my lovely new friends who have become so because of outfit pictures, I hope you'll excuse me getting a tinsy bit more serious for a sec & missing (yet another) outfit post. On a day like I've had, fussing about what to wear seems really low on the priority list.

So consider the rest of this post as a "I need my Mommy" post & don't worry about hurting my feelings if you choose not to read on.

Phew. Where to start?

Things between Ed & I have never been so difficult. We've kind of always had an uphill battle having married so young & having babies right away, but recently, it feels like our path has taken a sharp turn upwards & we're not making up anymore.

School is getting to the point where it seems like we can see an end game developing, but at the same time, our financial situation, that is, the money we have to budget & live on through each semester, is not cutting it for us whatsoever. It's gotten to the point where I'm researching ways to wash my hair with baking soda because we simply cannot afford shampoo. The other day, I used mayo & egg to condition my hair. It worked, but it was rather demoralizing. & it's that part, the loss of dignity, that is stripping us to the quick with just a few swipes.

Two years ago when Ed lost his job do to the economy, we took it as an opportunity for Ed to finally go back to college & finish what he started. Up until that point, he'd done well in landing jobs that provided decently for us, but the ceiling of his career potential was rather low due to the fact that he didn't have a completed college education under his belt & the need for that diploma was glaring.

Education is very important to both of us & his finishing college was always something we wanted. Ed losing his job seemed like one door closing & another opening.

Because we are married with kidlets, we got a decent amount of grants & loans, plus we had a lot of family contribution & support. Granted, we were going from a steady, consistent income that provided for all our needs & then some, to an income that was about a forth of what we'd had before, but with careful budgeting, we could make it on beans & rice.

The sacrifice was worth it to us. Ed needed his education & in the end, it'd be a huge step forward for us. (Due to our kids ages & vehicle situation & childcare costs, it figured out better financially that I stay home to take care of the kids & not work while Ed finished school).

However, there are points (usually at the end) in each semester where it's so thin in the budget for us that we really are making it on beans & rice. The conflict for us isn't so much over money per se, as it is the stress that having so little causes.

It's tough to keep focus on the end game when you have to explain to your kids that a Christmas tree is just too expensive.

That gallons of gas are often bought one at a time & that it's asking a lot to use some of it to drive to the park to go running.

It's dealing with these things without a break that take the biggest toll. Yes, graduation & hopefully a good job to follow is a bright light at the end of this tunnel, but it's getting impossible not eat each other alive from stress before we reach the light.

I'm not really sure how we'll fair & what our lives will look like by the time Ed finishes school. We've talked at length about him taking a break & going back to work for a while, but the same issues always bring us back to the conclusion that it would be better to just buckle down & finish. Ed is far enough through (& with enough debt) that it really would be unwise for him to stop at this point. It would be very tough for him to go back & finish after this as well as the consideration that because we now have loans to pay back, he'd have to have a good enough job to afford life & those-- all without a college degree.

So this weighs very heavily on me & today was probably the heaviest day so far. At this point, it's one day at a time.

30 for 30 Remix: Of Fake Weddings & Ghetto Booty

2010-12-02T13:24:00.001-06:00

You may remember this outfit from 30 for 30 outfits passed. I styled it on November 18th with a long sleeve shirt & gray sweater vest. & I hated it. Truth is, sometimes I really don't like the outfits I style after the fact. So I hid behind my baby as to not show much of it.

If you love me, you will not click on this link & look at the outfit I hate.

I was pretty discouraged after that outfit. I thought this skirt had so much potential, but I flopped (in my opinion) pretty badly. I wanted to really take this skirt & do it justice. & so here we have a very near to identical look to the one before, only this time I didn't over style it. This time I took a strand of pearls, a short sleeved shirt, & put it with the skirt to (hopefully) create something that didn't make me wince later.

I rather like it. & it's definitely Heidi.

Heidi would wear this.

I can speak for her.

She said I could.

In other news, my day has been spent rather wastefully on the internetz. I have a hankering for pretty pictures of white decor & so I have been searching high & low for a blog all about white decor. I found one once but wasn't sharp enough to think about bookmarking it & so now I wander the streets of Google alone-- wanting, wishing, searching....

Along the way, I stumbled upon this awesome blog called Style Me Pretty. If you already know about it & are snorting smugly at me, you can go away. I had no reason to know about this blog. It's all about weddings. I'm already married. Why would I even be remotely interested in a wedding blog?

Well, I don't know. But I am.

I think it might be that Style Me Pretty held me tight & kept me warm when I was cold & lonely searching for a blog about white decor, I don't know. But I do know that I am now obsessed with the blog & with planning my wedding all over again.

Yes. There is even a new folder on my desktop that is quickly acquiring pictures that I'm finding & loving & would so copy in my fake wedding.

Also, to set the mood even more, I opened my iTunes, made a new playlist called Ghetto Booty, & put songs like 'Promiscuous' by Nelly, 'We R Who We R' by Ke$ha & "Like a g6" by FM.

Oh yes. I know how to set the mood right. Nothing says love (or crazy) like an already married woman obsessing about doing a wedding while listening to music that objectifies women & bitch slaps true love in the face.

"Ghetto Booty?! Where?"

Dressing Mommy: My Makeup-less Feature

2010-12-01T14:03:00.000-06:00

A couple of weeks ago I chanced upon this awesome blog called Dressing Mommy written by the very lovely Kelly. Some of you may know her already, but if you don't, get yourself over there & get to know her. She's a truly beautiful person-- inside & out.

& that's what attracted me to her & blog. Her beauty.

One of the first posts I ever read from her was a post about having a positive self image & loving yourself for just who you, looking exactly how you look. She talked about celebrating our uniqueness & waking up to the fact that we are not doing ourselves any favors by putting ourselves down every time we take a peek at ourselves in the mirror. Then she posted a picture of her beautiful self-- makeup free-- & invited anyone else to do so.

She made this a weekly feature called 'My Gal Friday' & I am the second week's gal. Please go & check out the interview & follow Kelly. You won't regret it-- she breeds goodness & everyone needs a little more goodness in their lives.

30 for 30 Remix: Is It Over Yet?

2010-12-01T13:52:00.000-06:00

I have reclaimed the computer!!! Ed was on it until after I went to bed at 10. Hooker has problem. He needs to seek treatment because I cannot go through computer withdraw again.

Yes, he has the problem. Not me.

I haven't yet worn this skirt because it's slightly too big & doesn't fit properly. I had big plans for this skirt, but because of the pesky waist hitting in the wrong place, I haven't been able to style it like I've wanted. & that's let the air outta my balloon a bit.

Can anyone say, "thhhhhhbbbbbbbbthhhbbbbbbvvvv"?

Can I confess something? I'm feeling slightly over the 30 for 30 thing. It's true.

The thing is, I feel stuck in a rut. I don't know what it is-- maybe it's that I keep reaching for the same pieces over & over in my 30 for 30 & it makes me feel like I'm not creative. Maybe it's because I am missing other clothes in my closet (double confession: on a least a few occasions, I've worn my 30 for 30 outfit long enough to take pictures & then have changed into something else) or just that I'm feel badly about missing a whole four days. I don't know what it is exactly, but I'm hitting a lull. I hope I can just pull through this. Just nine more days!

When The Hubby Hogs The Pooter...

2010-11-30T18:43:00.001-06:00

I get no Internet time.

Ed decided to take the day off from class today which means that he has been on the computer since lunch.

Which means that I haven't been able to blog. Even now I'm tapping this out from my iPhone.

Oy. It's of my wise opinion that married men should not play video games. It's just not good.

Hopefully I'll have the chance to blog later tonight, but it's not looking good...

30 for 30 Remix: You Can Call Me Heidi McCheaty Pants

2010-11-29T13:53:00.000-06:00

Okay, so firstly, let me just say IT IS GOOD TO BE BACK!

Wow, I missed four straight days in a row & I don't feel badly, not one bit! It's not that I don't love blogging, but I needed a vacay, & seeing as how Thanksgiving is my most favorite holiday EVER, I took full advantage & lived it up!

A recap:

Me right before getting in place for the start of my first race EVER. I was so excited I peed. In a porta-potty. Before the race. Also, this is one of the last documented photos of me before I stuffed myself silly for four days straight. Buh-bye waistline.

Me & Chick. She's magical. She's also one of the reasons I started running so it was awesome to be running the same race as her. Of course she crossed the finish line a full 16 minutes ahead of me, but just knowing we were doing it together was good enough for me.

Aww, me & my running buddy/bff Ruthann. It was SUCH a great experience for both of us. We made great memories. Also, isn't Austin beautiful? We're on the Congress Ave bridge. It was overcast & perfectly cool. The air was charged with energy. So awesome. Also-- notice my uni-boob. Thank you very much, sports bra.

I ran with Ruthann & her boyfriend Seth until the last mile where I took off & ran my wee heart out-- about a 6ish minute pace right on through to the finish line. It was amazing. It felt like I was flying & because I paced myself so well in the beginning I had all the energy & power I needed to finish really strong. I passed a lot of people-- people who had flown by me for the first part of the race. I have my coach Bryan to thank for helping me with a race strategy. He told me that a lot of people would spend it all in the beginning & that if I just held my horses in the beginning, I could really it go at the last mile or so & kick all of their tushies. & that's pretty much what I did.

I remember coming around the last turn & knowing that just beyond my site was the finish line. I could feel my strength & I could feel the ground moving fast under me. I remember realizing that turning that corner meant that I was almost there-- that I'd accomplished this. Yes, it was only the Turkey Trot, but for me it was the proof that I was capable of doing something I thought I could never do. Some really powerful emotions started to well up in my chest & I almost started sobbing right there. I had to bite my lip & make myself use that energy to finish. I held it together & finished so strong.

It was so awesome. One the single best things I've ever done. Mrs. W. held me afterward & I squeaked out words like, "I've done it. I accomplished this."

We were both teary.

My SIL who came to cheer me on, told me I was an inspiration to her. That was awesome.

All in all it was the greatest high ever. I cannot wait to do more & keep surpassing what I thought I couldn't do.

& now today's outfit post:

See my pretty shoes? Nooo, they aren't included in my 30 for 30 & that's what makes me Heidi McCheaty Pants. & I don't give a damn. I'm tired of wearing my black flats with everything. So there.

Thanksgiving was a blur of lots of food & football. I stayed up until 5am shopping. Yes, we're nuts in our family. BUT-- though I might be cheating by wearing a non-30 for 30 item today, I didn't cheat while shopping because I didn't buy a single thing. Unfortch for me, my good looks don't make up for my lack of moolah so I didn't get anything (my dad used to ask if we were going to pay for things with our good looks-- we never did get anything for free-- very telling, no?)

The rest of the weekend was just a repeat of Thanksgiving. Blurry food. :) It's back in the saddle time now, & it's good to get my butt planted back where it belongs.

30 for 30 Remix: Plain Jane

2010-11-24T14:23:00.000-06:00

Well, I think it's fair to say that this outfit is a perfect representation of what I would usually wear. It's black, it's gray, it's simple, it's chic.

Done & done.

However, it is awfully plain. Plain can be good, though, especially the day before Thanksgiving when one is very busy doing things to prepare for the big day! I should pat myself on the back for even finding the time to get this post up! ::pat pat::

Thank you so much for all your sweet comments & attempts to make me feel better. YOU DID! Thank you again!

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!

It's Just Been One Of Those Days

2010-11-23T19:20:00.001-06:00

First off-- I think River must have eaten a green crayon somewhere along the line because Hooker has been pooping out green bits all day. I guess cheap wax doesn't digest.

Second off-- River seems to have made it a goal if his today to smack his head on any hard surface he could find. One would think he's against having brain cells or something. Today after lunch, I took off his tray to release him & he was so excited to get out, he leaned forward really fast & smacked his eye on the sharp edge of the table.

He was screaming so hard he wasn't making noise... That I'd until he started screaming, which was blood curdling, in case you wondered.

He cut his eyelid open & gave himself an insta-black eye. Poor dude.

Third off-- I have some wicked horrible shin splints that are crimping my style something fierce. I have my first ever race in two days, & although it's supposed to just be for fun, I really wanted to show up fit & ready. I can still run it, but I'm honestly afraid of the pain & it's quickly draining the joy out of my running.

To further widen the drain hole, it seems my shin splints could be remedy pretty well by new shoes. Mine are pretty old & well used. But I'm a poor college student's wife & we just don't have the money to get Mama new shoes. It kills me to know that there's something that can be done to improve my running, but I can't do it. Usually, I'm on top of anything in an instant if it'll help my running. I can't lie, this is tough.

Forth off-- I'm a girl & I'm hormonal, & it seems my dot is looming. PERFECT TIMING. I've felt like crying my eyes out over everything today & I've been pretty grumpy & short with my kiddos. Lots of apologies & explanations have taken place.

Sooooo.... no outfit post today. Y'all, I just couldn't hack it. Forgive me? Also, if you've read this far, you're awesome & it made my day a bit better.

I'll leave you with a huge bright spot that did happen today-- I got my first ever racing number. When I first held it, it was akin to holding my child for the first time--- but only in a very, very, very distant kin way.

But yeah, so freakin' awesome.

30 for 30 Remix: Yeah, I Make No Sense

2010-11-22T16:02:00.001-06:00

Epic. Eyeroll.

Please reference yesterday's post title for explanation as to why I make no sense whatsoever. That's what I get for trying to be clever. Oh well, at least I got the first letter of the name of the day right. That counts for something. Maybe.

So today's outfit came about rather organically. I wanted to wear my fishnet stalkings because I haven't-- ever-- even though I've owned them since December of 2006. So it was high time.

Also, I wanted to do something really easy because, like most everything else, at the half-way point, I sorta lose steam a little. I'll get my second wind again, no worries (I say that for my benefit) but until then, black on black on black is what I fall back on. Apparently, fishnets bring out the sessy side of this Mama, & I went for more skin. Cause why not? Also, the high here today is like, 79, so yeah. SKIN.

I am disappointed in the pictures though, the lighting is all wrong & my wee iPhone can only do so much. Also, I wish I had different black shoes in my 30 for 30, but I am comforted by the fact that one of my all-time Fashion Blogger influences wears flats with leggings all the time, & I love her look, so I guess I love mine.

Now off to run & shower & make dinner & finish laundry & birth another baby. Happy Monday, y'all!

30 for 30 Remix: Twofer Tuesday... On Saturday

2010-11-21T15:59:00.000-06:00

My photo sesh's were cut a little short today. Poor Audrey fell off the chair, ending our first session, & then the next one was ended by a desperate potty dance... by both of us.

I so appreciate Audrey's help, though. Really, without her, I wouldn't have outfit photos to share. I'm very grateful to her for putting up with her silly Mama.

Yes, those are dirt spots you seen on my shirt. I got them just before this picture was taken. That's what I get when I move the chair to change locations. :(


It was right after this picture that Sister fell off her chair. Brave girl didn't even cry. She just screamed.

I've combined this weekend's post because it's just so much easier to do so, & lord knows I'm lazy. Plus also, yesterday was very busy, what with River's birthday party, cross training, running & errands. Phew! There's no way I could/would want to fit in an outfit post, too. Thankfully, this Sunday has been extra easy (the hubby slept in until 2. Oh yes, he's on duty now until the kidlets hit the sack), so I had the time & desire to post.

I hope y'all are having a great weekend! & now I'm off to cook dinner & watch more football....

30 for 30 Remix: Don't Mess With Texas

2010-11-19T12:53:00.000-06:00

Two things about Texas:

1.) The weather here acts like a spoiled brat. It can be raining cats & dogs one minute & sunny the next. It has quite the rep for not ever being able to make up it's mind. Hence the many layers of my outfit. It can be chilly one hour & quite warm the next. Layers come in handy for this.

2.) Although there aren't many in the Austin area, Texas does contain a lot of cowboys. My denim shirt is the biggest nod I'll ever give to the western style. I really wanted this denim shirt & my SIL surprised me with one. However, I have had the hardest time styling it without just blatantly stealing someone else's look. While that doesn't bother me too much, I did want to act least try to make it work in a look before I shameless copied another.

Not That You're Asking, But Here's What I Love...

2010-11-18T20:33:00.000-06:00

Do your eyes & soul a favor. Get lost in these beautiful pictures.

She has the closet that I want. I can say in all honesty that I would wear all of her outfits over & over.

This one here seems to have it all. Brains. Wit. Beauty & Covet-Worthy Style. Not Fair.

I was unable to stop myself from obsessing about this girl & her blog after I found her. Do not click here if you have any designs on having a life.

& last but not least, the one from whom I stole this idea & from whom I've also stolen recipes, jokes & style. Steal away. She doesn't mind.

(in order: Sunday Photo; Oomph; To Boldly Wear; See Jane & Dwelling & Telling)

30 for 30 Remix: It's A ONE-derful Day!

2010-11-18T16:36:00.003-06:00

Today, the wee-est of my wee ones turns one. I am uber sentimental about the whole affair. Like more so than I was with my other two children.

I know. Awesome right? Favoring one kid over the other always worked out so well for people. History proves it. Just reference Joesph's story. Hooker's brothers loved him & his technicolor coat.

But for real, real, it isn't that I love River more than Clay or Audrey, it's just that he's my baaaaaaby. My last one. Everything with him is so pronounced because I'll. never. have. another. baby. again.

Did you hear me, ovaries? On board, uterus? K, good.

So today, my outfit pictures are me, plus one. & my plus one is one today so it's perfect. Isn't he cute?

Yeah, but he didn't feel cute when I looked like this a year ago yesterday:

Are you feeling pain in your vagina right now? Because looking at these pictures again makes my vagina hurt. That's me, ready to pop, & that big belly is River chilling out-- AT NINE POUNDS-- on my pelvis. I kid you not, when the kid was born, he had a deep red mark on his forehead from where he'd been lodged into my pelvic bone. Observe:

Do you see that long, deep red mark on his head? Yes, it felt AWESOME, if you were wondering....

I documented his birth & my recovery on my blog, but as I've gone back & read it, what I wrote was pretty funny/crazy due to the fact that when I wrote those posts, I was still really drugged. For instance, I go on & on about how I wanted to keep the chin pimple River was born with once it popped.

That was an interesting moment for my husband. I just remember him looking at me like, "Really, you want me to take that pimple puss & find a place to keep it?"

Thankfully, I dropped the pimple puss & thus Ed didn't have to do anything with it as to appease his crazy wife.

Tonight, we're celebrating River's birthday by having cupcakes & spaghetti. River won't care about either of those things, but it should be fun. Saturday is the big party over at the in-laws. All but one of Ed's eleven siblings will be home from college or elsewhere to celebrate River's big day, & I'm really looking forward to it. So enough blabbing for now... I hear River crying to get up from his nap (which he was probably doing a year ago at this moment) so I should go.

30 for 30 Remix: Wherin I Make Up & Blab A Lot

2010-11-17T11:08:00.005-06:00

As some of you may have noticed, I missed yesterday's 30 for 30 post. I have lots of good reasons for missing it. & one very big, not so great reason:

TEEN MOM.

Y'all. It's soooo good. The stories, the struggles, the babies... Oh it just tugs at my heart & steals all of my attention. It's like a car accident. I was rubber neckin' that show all day.

Maybe it's because I was technically a Teen Mom myself (check my about me for that story) or just that I'm a sucker for documentary films (Teen Mom is documentary-ish), but I. could. not. look. away.

So on to my legit reasons for missing my post-- two of the five of us who live in this wee apartment were very ill. My husband, Ed, & my oldest, Clay spent most of their day yesterday in the bathroom. Poor guys. It started at 6:09am, & didn't end (for Ed, at least) until sometime in the afternoon. I don't know how Audrey, River & I escaped it, but we did. & to quote Homer Simpson, "Praise Jebus".

The above outfit is what I wore to Target yesterday to pick up some gatoraid, crackers, & Pop Chips for Mama. Mmm, Pop Chips. I love those things. The ENTIRE BAG is like 340 calories, so if I just decided to lose my shit one day & binge (not that I ever have or will) those chips won't set me back too far.

& yes, I did put the entire outfit back on again today so that Audrey could take my picture. & then I took her picture because she asked me to, but also because I loved the outfit she picked out today. For a girl who wants to be a boy so very badly, I think she has pretty good girl style, no?

She's flashin' her gang sign. Not really. She just told me to take five pictures of her as she counted to five. & yes, that is the chair she stands on to take my picture.

Isn't her hair insane? I told God when I found out that I was having a girl, that I wanted her to breastfeed & have curly hair. He gave me both. Such a cutie.

--------------------------------------------

This is today's outfit. I shall call it, "Same jeans, different day." in honor of my Dad's old ism "Same shit, different day." He used to say that when I'd ask him how his day was. It went something like this:

Me: Hey Daddy. How was your day?

Dad: (very dryly) Same shit, different day. How was your day?

At which point I would not repeat what he'd just said to me-- at least not out loud. But thanks for that little ism, Dad. I've tucked it away & now look, aren't you so proud? :)

The shirt for today's outfit is actually a skirt that I bought from American Apparel way back in the day. Don't y'all love that store? It's like soft core porn in there, but the clothes are so simply stated that they speak volumes.

When I bought the skirt, the dude working there told me I could wear it as a shirt as well, to which I promptly snorted & said, "Uh huh." After three babies, my breasts are the inspiration for that song, "Do your boobs hang low?", so I thought there was no way in hell I would ever be sporting that skirt as a shirt.

Me & strapless bras have a worse feud than Lauren & Heidi do from The Hills. For serious.

However, I do have the most awesome bra with straps set really wide apart. So long as I wear a cardigan, I can wear this skirt as a shirt, & frankly I love it.

& for those of you with eagle eyes, no, this skirt was not in my original 30, but if you'll remember, I was supposed to use another pair of boots that have since become unavailable to me, so I swapped in this skirt for those boots & now the skirt is my 30th piece! Shazam!

If I Had A Million Dollars...

2010-11-16T11:21:00.001-06:00

I'd buy everything up there.

& a green dress. But not a real green dress, that's cruel.

I'm majorly crushing on the see-thru/lace/black & gray looks right now. What would y'all buy if you had a million big ones?

30 for 30 Remix: I Said, Brrrr, It's Cold In Here

2010-11-15T11:54:00.002-06:00

This is me saying, "Eff this shiz. It's cold. Let's go inside."

I dare you sky. SNOW.

While changing River's diaper this morning, he was looking up smiling at me with a look that said, "Ha. Joke's on you, Mom."

Thanks kid.

After changing his stink, I dressed him in layers. Baby legs under his long sleeve, long legged onesie. & then I dressed myself in layers. Observe above.

It.is.cold.here.y'all. I just checked & it says it's 56 degreeeeeezzz ::teeth chatter::. When I stepped outside, it smelled like snow. Plus also, the wind is blowing. & it blew on me when I walked to get my daughter from the bus, making me very cold & slightly not excited for my run that will take place later today.

It's just that I run half naked.

But not really because I wear shorts & a shirt, but it will feel like I'm half naked later. Especially if the wind blows on me. Can't the wind just figure out a way of blowing around me? Yes? Good plan?

I guess I can't rely on that, so I'm going to have to break down & get some winter running gear & for now, I'll just layer up my 30 for 30 items as to make like winter clothes. My hat goes off to all those who run in or just plain live in colder weather than what I get here in fair Austin, Texas.

Do Me A Solid, Would You?

2010-11-15T09:27:00.000-06:00

I have been insanely flattered & blessed by all of the shout-outs other girls have given me on their blogs. I am already so geeked that there are people other than my best friends who (have to) read my blog, that to even be mentioned, let alone linked to, let alone featured, makes my head explode.

Seriously. Ultra awesome.

& as I profusely thank all of those wonderful bloggers who have seen fit to shine their light on me, I feel compelled to pay it forward.

Through Kendi's 30 for 30 Challenge I have discovered so many wonderful new blogs that I might never have known about otherwise.

Katie, of You're a diculous, is my all-time fave. Just look:

Did you jizz? Because every time I go to her site, I jizz.

In my pants.

Or skirt, as it sometimes were.

Not only does Katie have an covet-worthy effortless style, but she's effing hilarious. I read her blog to steal her style & her humor. She thinks I'm funny, but what she doesn't know is I just cleverly steal it all from her.

True story.

& y'all-- she's blonde! You know how I feel about blonds.... Oh yes. She's so pretty.

So would y'all do me solid & go check her out/follow her/shine your light on her? I tell no lies, when I first found her blog, I thought, "Oh, this girl is going to be one that gets big... I better follower her & make friends with her so she'll bring me along with her to the top...."

I kid about the last part. Heh heh.

30 for 30 Remix: & On The Seventh Day, Heidi Rested

2010-11-14T17:51:00.000-06:00

Do you like the sequence of my pictures? I look up, I look down, I take a vodka drink, I take a cider drink... (guess that song, win 100 points.)

So, I definitely rested today. I mean, after I got up & ran my heart out this morning (how could I not? After seeing Chick kill it yesterday, I was riding on a Runner's High). I got home from my run, played with & fed the kidlets, & then we all hit the sack.

Hard.

Like a four hour nap hard.

It was restorative & just what this Sunday ordered.

Audrey (my four year old photographer) & I managed to fit these pictures in after we all emerged from our comas. It was cloudy all day today, & this outfit speaks to how much I love cozy, cold, cloudy days. This outfit is very cozy.

Minus the boots.

I can't get cozy under my blanket on the couch with heeled boots on. & if you can, you can have my boots.

Not really.

& yes, I ALWAYS wear sunglasses on cloudy days.

She's Got The Magic In Her...

2010-11-14T16:53:00.002-06:00

The start line, right before the trigger was pulled...

Chick in the front pack. This picture doesn't show it, but these girls were about a hundred or so yards ahead of the others. Look.at.their.legs. STRENGTH.

Chick about to cross the finish line. She got forth over all-- like out of over a hundred really good runners. I get emotional just looking at this picture. It was insane-- we cheered our hearts out.

Right after she finished, & PR'd (personal record). Chick ran a 6K in 20:29 & earned herself a spot at Nationals. ::chest pound:: Prouda you!

The girls praying afterward. One other Baylor girl earned herself a spot at Nationals & all of the other seven girls that ran PR'd.

The entire girl's Track & Field team.

Look her tushie. It's okay. You can't help it. & you know you wish yours looked so good. I sure as heck do. Chick being interviewed BECAUSE SHE KILLED IT.

Me & Chick. Absolutely so proud of her & this is the best (& ONLY) picture of my Saturday outfit.

This Saturday was one of those days that you're so excited to see come that you lose sleep over it. At least I did. I couldn't wait for 6:30am to dawn so I could bounce out of bed & get myself to Waco to see Chick race. It felt exactly like it did when I was a little girl waiting for Christmas morning to come. I barely slept & couldn't get to the meet soon enough.

If you read the captions to the above pictures, you know that Chick got fourth place overall & earned herself a spot at Nationals. She came to the meet with her game on & she owned it. I am so proud of you, Chickie.

After the meet, we all headed to Chuy's & stuffed ourselves silly. It was a most excellent meal for an already most excellent day. Then we headed to the zoo... even more excellence. I saw exactly three animals relieve themselves, two lions roar, a giraffe strut it's stuff & snub us, & an ape swing from a rope & bang the window right in front of me. It was the best zoo experience, ever. We all agreed.

After that, we headed to Chick's apartment-- so cute-- & then to Katie's Custard, which is famous (for good reason) & stuffed ourselves silly again. This is where we left Chick (actually, we dropped her off at the Baylor vs A&M football game) & then headed home.

I've said it once, but it won't hurt to say it again-- Saturday was most excellent.

**A note: I am counting the outfit I wore to the Regional meet on Saturday as one of my 30 for 30. No, not all the pieces were in my selection (my Baylor Track & Field shirt, for instance) but it IS what I wore all day on day six & I don't mind breaking the rules a bit to include my outfit. I had such a great day in it, that I want to document it here. & anyway, Kendi talked all about breaking the rules in one her first 30 for 30 posts!

My Sunday outfit post will be up soon!

30 for 30 Remix: Easy, Breezy, Beautiful

2010-11-12T18:29:00.004-06:00

I have the worst taste in music, like, EVER. If you tried you couldn't guess what I have on repeat right now.

Ke$ha, We R Who We R.

You heard me.

& you know that because I have the girl with a dollar sign in her name on repeat that that means I own her whole cd.

Lordy, help me. I've got Jesus on me neck-a-luzz (uzz uzz uzz)

Thank the stars that I have better taste in clothing, right? 'least that's what some really sweet people have been telling me lately. Y'all are really awesome-- very sweet. My teeth hurt, y'all are so sweet.

So today's outfit I picked out after I went for my run. Yesterday, after a pretty easy run, I did eight 100 meter strides. That means I ran balls out for a good bit. This morning I woke up & couldn't touch my toes. Hell, I could hardly bend over. No lie. My hamstrings weren't having it. So I iced those suckers & then took it pretty easy on today's run. But when I got home, I wanted to put on the most comfortable thing I could think of from my 30 items.

The sweater I'm wearing is the epitome of comfortable. It was MADE to be that way as the proper way to wear it is inside out. This sweater confuses me every time I go to put it on because the tag is definitely attached to the wrong side of the sweater. So after ten minutes of seeing if I've got it wrong side right side out, I am finally successful in wearing the damned thing.

As my dad would say, "You gotta be smarter than the sweater."

Indeed.

I chose to wear the shorts because today is the last day it'll be warm (82) before a cold front comes in. Tomorrow the high will be 66, y'all. Brrr! So no more bare-legged outfits for me-- maybe. We'll see.

Onnnnne last thing-- Tomorrow, I'm going to Waco to Baylor University where my good friend runs for their track & field team. I believe tomorrow she's running regionals to get a spot in nationals. She will kill it, I know, but I'm going to forgo my outfit posting tomorrow as I need to be dressed in team spirit wear in order to show my support. I will miss it, but not too much, because I AM STOKED FOR TOMORROW'S RACE!!

& now back to Ke$ha-- tonight we're going hard, just like the world is ours.... dancing like we're dumb.... OH YES.

I've Been Featured!!

2010-11-12T13:03:00.000-06:00

Natasha, over at Required2BeInspired, sent me a message a couple if weeks ago asking if I'd like to take part in her weekly feature "Fashionable Mamas".

::snort:: YES!!

Flattered as I was at her invite, my head is exploding now that she's posted about me! It just so surreal & awesome & Natasha is so generous & I'm outside of my head excited about this.

Please go read the feature & then check out Natasha's blog. Girlfriend is one smokin' hot Mama. & practically every outfit she wears I want to steal from her & take all the credit. :)

Copy paste this sucker into your browser, the Hubby is hogging our computer right now so I'm using my phone to tap this out.

http://required2beinspired.blogspot.com/

Now, I'm going to go ice my hamstrings & drink diet coke. Thanks again, Natasha!

30 for 30 Remix: Mystery Reader

2010-11-11T18:56:00.001-06:00

I had a lot of fun picking out today's outfit because today was a special day. For the first time ever, I was able to go & surprise my eldest child, Clay, at school by being a mystery reader for his class. He had no idea I was coming & when I walked around that corner & he saw me, his face lit up & he said, "Mama!!"

Clay is now in the first grade & last year I missed all the opportunities to read to him & his class due to the fact that I was finishing my pregnancy with River &/or caring for a newborn. It really made my heart ache when Clay would tell me about all the other Mom's who would come in to read to them & how he always hoped it would be me next. :-(

So today was finally the day & I loved every minute of it. So did Clay.

I wanted to dress using pieces out of my 30 for 30 choices, & I wanted to be stylish but conservative. Credit is due where credit is earned, & I need to disclose the fact that the dress & cardigan I'm wearing I stole from my SIL when I saw her wearing it. It was just so put together! So thanks, SIL! You're one stylish chick!

My book options. I ended up choosing to read 'Cinderhazel', a twisted fairy tail.

My boy hard at work on math. He looked over at me later & told me when he had enough money, he was going to buy me flowers. He is just the sweetest boy EVER. He often tells me that I look beautiful when I come out from putting a new outfit on. I swear I don't fish for those compliments.

I was sooo nervous, but the kids listened with rapt attention.

After, we went to the library & Clay & I picked out new books. He really wasn't worried when I took this picture, I think he was trying to tell me about the book he wanted to get next.

30 for 30 Remix: SHAZAM! Sporty Wear

2010-11-10T10:24:00.002-06:00

Day 3 of THE CHALLENGE!!!! Everyone always says the third day is hardest when starting something new-- a new diet, a new exercise routine, a clothing challenge.... ?

But no, today's outfit came pretty easily. Ruthann & I were sitting in a big pile of clothes on the floor that is my 30 items & I grabbed this silky shirt (seen here in another outfit) & threw it on top of these shorts.

Shazam! & just like that I had a solid outfit started.

I added my favorite sweater to it to make it more fitting for Fall & threw on some boots. I just love it when outfits just happen. Especially when it's day three of something new & I need to really get my creative juices flowing.
------------------------------------------------

As for the rest of my day? I have a run planned with my coach, Bryan & hopefully some serious hanging out to do with Fanny. Oh yes, & lots of chores to do before either of those two things happen. :-/

Y'all have a lovely day now, you hear?! :)

30 for 30 Remix: Fool Proof

2010-11-09T19:55:00.000-06:00

Black on black on black. Works every time. If I had slightly more than 30 items with which to work & a better closet, I would go all out with the black on black look. It's one of my favorites to wear because I can get into all the different textures & structures of the clothing.

Today felt suuuuper long & full of stuff. Hence why my post is super late. I don't like getting them up this late, but what can I do?

I went running this afternoon with my running buddy Ruthann. It was most excellent. Especially since we got a wild hair lodged somewhere & decided to go off trail. It lead us to an old rusty fence & the river. We had to cross the river in order to get to the official trail.

It felt pretty bad ass.

Until we realized how heavy our soaking shoes were & that we had the last half of our run to finish.

It was whatever, though. The squishy sound of our shoes kept us entertained (well, it did me, at least) & heavier shoes made it easier to actually go easy on our easy run.

Dress: Gap
Necklace: Express
Blazer: Salvation Army in the hiz-ouse!

30 for 30 Remix: Bitchin' Hard

2010-11-08T12:54:00.003-06:00

Jacket/Guess-Shirt/Gap-Pants/Target-Heels/Thrifted-Belt/Kohls

Without further ado, I present my very first of 30 outfits for the 30 for 30 Challenge. & may I just say, today's outfit was bitchin' hard to pick out?

Because it was.

Bitchin' hard.

It's not that I don't have outfits already picked out, or even that I'm so unfamiliar with what I picked that it'll take me a while to ease into these pieces. No. It's not any of that. It's the PRESSURE!!! Today is the first.ever.outfit. It has to set a good impression. Who knows, if this outfit goes over well, I could get more readers, which would mean more friends for Heidi. But if this outfit fails-- like falls flat on it's pimply face-- then no friends for Heidi.

& we all know how much I like to be included. Reference last post please.

So here it is. I christen thee, Bitchin' Hard, my first outfit of 30.

Here's The Plan, Stan: 30 for 30 Remixer Challenge, My 30

2010-11-06T22:10:00.001-05:00

Oh, it feels so great to be included. I do love being part of the gang. When Kendi of Kendi Everyday announced last week that she was planning to feature a 30 for 30 Challenge wherein one chooses just 30 pieces of clothing INCLUDING SHOES (!!) & wears a different version of only those 30 pieces for 30 days I jumped at the chance.

As did 336 other fashion bloggers.

337 ='s the group.
Me ='s 1 of 337.
Me ='s in the group.

It's a mighty big group, but I hope to check out each & every one of the 336 others in the next 30 days & I hope to make some new friends along the way.

But enough of that. Blab, blab, blab. That's all I ever do. Ask B. Now it's on to the first assignment of the 30 for 30. Showing the goods:


I'm actually using five pairs of shoes, but one pair (a pair of brown boots) is detained elsewhere right now & therefore is unable to be pictured. Brown heels- thrifted/Brown boots-Target/Silver heels- TJ Maxx/Black flats- Old Navy

Printed skirt- Express/Camel Skirt-Wal-Mart

From Left to Right: Old Navy/Old Navy/Wal-Mart/Gap/Target/Old Navy/Forever 21

From Left to Right: TJ Maxx/Gap/Gap/Express

From Left to Right: Wal-Mart/Unknown/Thrifted

Two Shorts: Old Navy/Target Two Pants: Thrifted/Target & One Pair of Leggings

From Left to Right: Gap/Old Navy/TJ Maxx

Do become a Drama Seeker/follower (just click that pretty button over there to the right) & see what magic I make out of these select pieces!

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day Sixteen: My Dream House

2010-11-05T20:14:00.002-05:00

Perhaps when Katie chose 'My Dream House' as one of the days challenges, she might have meant share the specs. Do I want a four bedroom with a large open floor plan that sits right on the water, or would I be cool with some cozy city loft that was expertly designed as a well organized small space.

Yes.

Both.

Sure.

Really, for me, my dream house has less to do with the specifics of the layout (although, I do have some idea of what I'd want in my dream home) & EVERYTHING to do with the way it's decorated.

Behold.

Just look at the details! I jizz! The old, natural wood toned hearth that frames the claw foot tub. The wood paneling that goes half way up the room with a large shelf to display pictures & trinkets. The big, long window that allows all that light to pour in. Ohhhh, heaven.

I have a thing for free-standing tubs with chandeliers near by.

My dream house would obviously involve a lot of white. I want to live in a white wonderland. Perhaps that's what I'll call my house: White Wonderland. My dream house also has a lot of chandeliers. & natural wood floors. & maybe some dark wood accents here & there. But mostly--

WHITE.

Every picture above is a pretty fair representation of what I'd like in my dream home. The kitchen picture is probably the farthest from what I imagine my kitchen looking like in that I want NO upper cabinets, just open, clean-line shelving. I want it like that to display my collection of WHITE dishes. White.

However, I have always loved the idea of having a big, antique table sitting in the kitchen on an old, beautiful oriental rug (not displayed) with soft tones. I don't like how fancy kitchen is in the picture, for instance, I'd never have dining chairs in that style, but this picture pretty well captures some of the things I love most in a kitchen.

My specifics of what I'd like as far as bedrooms, bathrooms, & living space go as follows:

-ALL private bedrooms upstairs.

These are the stairs that would lead up to our private living area.I like the idea of having all sleeping quarters upstairs so that there would never be a need for a guest to wander into a messy bedroom on accident. Not that there are EVER messy bedrooms in my house. Pshaa.

-That would include the master bedroom, a bedroom for Clay & River to share & a bedroom for Audrey to have to herself. Yes, in my dream house, not every member of the family has their own room.
-In between the kids rooms would be a bathroom that they would share. This bathroom would have a double sink area (much like the one pictured below) that is made separate by a pocket door that led into where the bathtub, shower & toilet are. This way, people can be washing hands/doing hair in the room with the sink while a person is in taking a shower or going tee-tee.


I love the skylight letting natural light pour in as well as the two sconces on either side of the medicine cabinets. It's all in the details, & for a kids bathroom, the extra storage of the cabinets is essential.

-Downstairs would include a fairly open living area, one that would allow for every room to be accessible for guests. These rooms would include:

Kitchen
Living room
Guest room
Small bathroom w/standing shower
Library with wall-to-wall bookcases & fireplace (because every home in Texas should have a fireplace.... 'cause we're cold?)
A place for a computer to go (NOT library, probably in kitchen)

& that's about it folks. Well, expect for WHITE. Did I mention that? White? White.

Of course, there is always the location of where my dream house would be, & I think I could be happy pretty much anywhere in Austin. But if I had my absolutely, hands-down, favorite spot-- It would be in the neighborhood right off of Mopac near Westover. Austinites, you know of what I speak. ::happy sigh:: I looooooove that neighborhood with all it's beautiful custom homes & it's close proximity to UT & the drag & Hyde Park.

Style File: A Walk On The Wild Side

2010-11-04T16:45:00.002-05:00

I really do love this black tiger claw necklace that I bought at the Texas Rodeo in March. It is so un-me. It's fun to try things that aren't usually what I'd wear.

As far as this outfit goes, it is very me. The weather here in fair Austin, Texas has finally cooled down (it's currently 64 outside) so I layered it up. A light black cardigan, light flowy shirt & trouser jeans mixed with brown accessories read: Heidi. Plain & Simple.

Perhaps that should've been my title. Either I'm wild or I'm plain & simple. Can't I be both?

Black Cardi- Express
Shirt- I'm too ashamed to admit it. (not Wal-Mart)
Jeans- Gap
Belt- Kohls
Bag- Target
Black Flats- Old Navy
Necklaces- (WILD black claw) Rodeo (heart) Macy's

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day Fifteen: A Bible Verse

2010-11-04T12:29:00.000-05:00

I've decided not to do a Bible verse for this challenge. You can check out Sarah's answer, though. I thought it was pretty bad ass.

I do love this poem called Pater Noster by Jacques Prevert. The first four lines are especially beautiful.

Our Father who art in heaven
Stay there
And we'll stay here on earth
Which is sometimes so pretty
With its mysteries of New York
And its mysteries of Paris
At least as good as that of the Trinity
With its little canal at Ourcq
Its great wall of China
Its river at Morlaix
Its candy canes
With its Pacific Ocean
And its two basins in the Tuileries
With its good children and bad people
With all the wonders of the world
Which are here
Simply on the earth
Offered to everyone
Strewn about
Wondering at the wonder of themselves
And daring not avow it
As a naked pretty girl dares not show herself
With the world's outrageous misfortunes
Which are legion
With legionaries
With torturers
With the masters of this world
The masters with their priests their traitors and their troops
With the seasons
With the years
With the pretty girls and with the old bastards
With the straw of misery rotting in the steel of cannons.

Style File: Gray Scale

2010-11-03T13:23:00.003-05:00

Ugh. I never knew how much Miley Cyrus with Max Azria from Wal-Mart I owned until I started doing these style files!! I own sooo much! One would think I shop at Wally World everyday of my life for how much of this particular line I have, but it just isn't so. I rarely go, but when I do, I cannot leave without taking a looksie at the clothes. I have found some of my best pieces from Wal-Mart, no lie. Once they came out with this Miley Cyrus w/ Max Azria line, I found myself buying up most of the pieces. They're just so cheap & chic! Cannot beat that.

All that to say, my leggings, which I feel take this outfit from slutty to stylish/comfy Mama, were bought on a rare stop at Wal-Mart. I was rushing through the clothes, trying to be quick, & saw these gray leggings with studs down the sides. They were on clearance for $3, which made them even better. They are great quality & very warm. & because my favorite color to dress in of all time is gray, they are worn by me A LOT.

Leggings: Wal-Mart
Shirt: Old Navy
Sweater: T J Maxx
Skirt: Cut up old t-shirt worn as a barely there skirt. What? It's very comfy.
Necklace: American Eagle

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day Fourteen: A Picture That I Love

2010-11-03T07:51:00.001-05:00

This picture was taken the day River was born. I took it with my old iPhone. I love it so much because I can still remember the way it felt to hold him on my chest like that. I was holding my new baby, touching his skin finally. Feeling his weight on me instead of in me (thank God!). I love this picture because that baby right there looks like mine. When River came out & I saw him, one of the first things I said/thought was, "HE LOOKS LIKE MY BABY!". I guess I would know since I've had three.

River will be a year old on November 18th, & I'm emotional something fierce about it. I wish I could relive every single day of his first year all over again. He is so precious & he's just my bud. In fact, I'm holding him on my lap as I type this.

It's been a One-derful year with him so far.I love you, River-Bean.

Style File: Make Her Feel So Soft & Pretty

2010-11-02T13:30:00.003-05:00

Dress: Forever 21
Jacket: American Eagle
Belt: Goodwill
Necklace: Modcloth (anniversary present)

I love loooong dresses, don't you? I especially like long dresses that make me feel like a character out of a Jane Austen novel/movie. What can I say? I'm in my head like that.

Today has been a mighty challenging day. Our ENTIRE family has been taking turns getting sick, & my oldest, Clay, took his turn last night & this morning. Also, money is always sooo tight because the hubby is a full-time student & the end of the month/beginning always sucks caboose. & to top it all off, our only vehicle got a flat tire & our budget is so tight that at this moment, we don't have enough to fix it for a couple of days. We're living by less than the skin of our teeth.

It's rockin' awesome.

I hope y'all are having a better day than mine. Ruthann just got here & we're going to take off soon for a run, so it appears my day is looking up!

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day Thirteen: My Goals

2010-11-02T09:00:00.004-05:00

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAL!

I don't know about y'all, but the word goal will forever sound like the Mexican announcer guy yelling it at a soccer game. Gooooooooooooooooool.

No a. Just gol.

Like most, my goals are divided up into different categories. Some are serious, some not. Some are long term, others are to be reached shortly. Some are super personal, some less so, ect. But because I'm feeling like being especially specific today, I'm going to list my goals in no particular order with no rhyme or reason. Cool tools?

-Finish the 3M Half-marathon in Jan., running the whole way.
-Run & finish this years Turkey Trot
-Run five days a week
-Be active & stay fit for life
-Go to college & finish a degree in something, for peter's sake. (to be done when River goes to school)
-Stay married to the same man my whole life unless he dies which I hope doesn't happen & so I'm planning on this goal coming true.
-Get featured on weardrobe
-finish Kendi's 30 for 30 challenge & have a lot of fun doing it!
-blog about my outfits for a year straight. Whoa, a serious challenge considering my closet is piddly compared to some bloggers I've seen.
-Read several books a year. Five, maybe. (a big deal considering that I have three kids, two cats, one husband & a house in a pear tree to look after. Phew!)
-Grow my hair to waist length. For shit & giggles. & it's cheap. (fewer hair cuts)
- Film & release YouTube tuts on makeup & such. EVERYONE asks me to do their makeup & consult for cosmetics purchases, so I thought I'd share my two cents.
-Get camera to film said tuts.

There are more goals, of this I'm sure, but my baby is crying just now & I'm sure if anyone had read this far, you're hoping I'll stop soon. & so I shall. But first, what are your goals?

Style File: You Are My Sunshinin'

2010-11-01T14:01:00.003-05:00

I never realized how into skirts I am until I started to actually look for outfits to make & came up with many involving skirts. I especially like this one, because even though it's ULTRA long & could go granny in an instant, it is very well structured & the movement in it dazzles. I really tried to lighten the mood of the skirt with a crazy/fun tie dye shirt & a hard edge claw necklace.

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This weekend was epic. It marked the end of my favorite month & the beginning of my favorite season.

Friday morning I woke up & immediately felt horrible. I thought I'd not hydrated myself enough before I'd gone to bed or something, so I drank a glass of water hoping that would make me feel better. No dice. I helped the kids get ready for school & then crawled back into bed. The feeling in my stomach was awful & I was bracing myself for what I thought would surely be a day spent praying to the porcelain gods.

My oldest, Clay, had a character parade at his school at 9:30. He dressed as Thing 1 from Cat in the Hat. Adorable. I rallied enough to get dressed & make it to his school. I just couldn't miss my boy dressed up-- not even for a shitty feeling stomach.

We all showed up for his 3 minute long parade. There was a fall party afterward, but do to some kink, none of the parents were allowed. That worked out for me in the end, as I felt like someone took a number two in my stomach.

I went home with the in-laws to help get ready for the annual Harvest party they throw. I wasn't much help though, & spent the whole day in bed.

Even though I felt on the brink of up-chucking the whole day, I never did. Damned stomach of steel. Around 4, I decided to suck it up & just get up & act like I felt great. This worked for several hours, but when someone at the party suggested we play Capture the Flag, I threw mine in & went back to bed. Thank God I was at my in-laws.

Of course, because it was the end of October & night time, I was freezing when I got inside. I could.not.warm.up. I seriously thought it must be in the low 40's outside because I was SO COLD. I looked it up-- it was 60.

::eyesroll::

I felt like an ass & mumbled something to myself about being a thin-blooded Texan (even though I wasn't born here, wth?!) & ran myself a bath. Thank God I was at my in-laws.

Oh, did I say that already?

That bath felt like it was magical. I felt healed from everything & felt so good for the first time that day that I swore I must've grown wings or something. I felt like I could do anything when I emerged from that bath.

& so I promptly went on a hayride.

With wet hair.

Because my mother taught me nothing. & I'm mature.

Okay, so I did wrap my head up in a hat & hoodie, but by the time the hayride was through, I was through. I felt worse, like a fever was coming. Everyone wanted to watch a movie at this point, so I chugged back some NyQuil & planted myself on the couch. I slept until 11:55 the next day. THANK GOD I WAS AT MY IN-LAWS. When I got up, I felt brand new, & this time, the feeling stuck around.

Much as I know y'all would love for me blather on more about my weekend, I'm going to call it a day on this post. It's approaching novel length. I shall leave you with an image of my sweet baby River, though. That should erase any images you might have conjured of me praying to porcelain gods & such.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day Twelve: What I Believe

2010-11-01T11:40:00.000-05:00

Go read your Bible.

Can I believe in the right to skip this challenge?

I kid. But only a little. So really, I infant.

Le ugh. What does Heidi believe?

Well, for starters, I believe it's rather difficult to have a lifestyle blog & maintain lightheartedness by talking about what one believes. I believe in the Mom-ism that chit-chatting about one's religion or politics is a no-no. I also believe in the burn, that is, the burn I've felt from being attacked after having shared my personal beliefs. Tolerance is an urban legend people (reference here). Believe.

Heh. Look! I make jokes! Be distracted.

But seriously:

I believe in God.

I do not believe homosexuality is a choice.

I believe in boundaries.

I believe flowers at a funeral is the worst smell known to man.

I believe moms & dads should try real hard to stay together for the kids.

I believe money is the root of all that kills.

I don't believe we are all generally good. We're selfish little fuckers.

I believe friends make better family than family does sometimes.

I believe in personal responsibility.

I believe in therapy.

I believe that the order in which my beliefs came out & were written speaks about who I am & what I really believe. But it doesn't speak loudly, so listen closely if you care to.

What do you believe?

Style File: If You're Lost & You Look, You Will Find Me

2010-10-29T13:15:00.000-05:00

I think my most favorite thing about this outfit is that it's comfy. Sooo comfy. I can wear it to play on the floor with my kids & then throw on that honkin' necklace & well fitted blazer & I'm ready for dinner with my bff. Outfits like this are perfecto.

Dress: Gap
Leggings: generic
Black Flats: Old Navy
Chunky As Hell Necklace: Express (was $75 got it for $3.45 on clearance. Shazam!)

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day Eleven: My Favorite TV Shows

2010-10-29T09:24:00.003-05:00

Don't touch that remote. Don't you do it.

Are you ready for some nerdy shit right now? It's all coming out, Hooker.

THREE LETTERS: P B S

Anything, oh yes, I mean ANYTHING on PBS is my favorite tv show.

-Antiques Roadshow. I'm there.

-Frontline. I'm there & I'm square. What what.

-Arthur. I'm there & have been since '98.

-The News Hour. Shut your pie-hole, I'm listening to the news!

-Martha Speaks. Best new educational cartoon, evah.

-Masterpiece Theater. Best literature I never read.

-American Experience. Like mini-Ken Burns documentaries once a week.

& my all-time favorite--

The History Detectives!!!!!

I jizz.

You are dead to me for the 54 glorious minutes that The History Detectives are on.

dead.to.me.

Oh, PBS. My beloved PBS. You rock my socks. I love you alone & with you around, who needs cable?

Other than PBS, what will surely get my butt planted in a couch real quick is football. Especially Texas football. There's nothing that beats watching the Longhorns play, & indeed, even The History Detectives would be skipped for Texas football. ::coughOUSUCKScough::

Style File: You Know That I Love You Boy

2010-10-28T12:40:00.000-05:00

This is a skirt that my SIL bought at her local Goodwill for all of $4. When I saw it in her room, I snatched it. She hadn't even worn it yet. There was just something about this 80's polka dot skirt that grabbed me & so I tore my clothes off right there in her room & made an outfit of this skirt. Then I took it home... My SIL loves it when I come over to visit. Heh.

Cashmere Sweater: Gap

Black Corset Top: Marshall's

Polka Dot Skirt: Goodwill (or my SIL's closet if you're nasty)

Black Flats: Old Navy

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day Ten: My Biggest Fear

2010-10-28T12:24:00.000-05:00

Boo!

My biggest fear is losing a child. I'm pretty sure I couldn't live through that. If it meant I died tomorrow so that I could be spared the grief, so be it.

I've seen up-close the grief of a parent losing a child & it's the one thing I've begged God to spare me from. I fear this so much that I cannot read, hear or see stories about children dying. Even the idea of it makes me so upset that I'll do whatever it takes to not think about it.

So there. That's what I'm afraid of. Pretty morbid, right? Have kids & come back & tell me that isn't be your biggest fear in life.

Other things that I'm afraid of:

Failure

Rejection

Loneliness

Confrontation

Homelessness

Crossing the street

Roaches

Being seen naked by my in-laws. It almost happened once, yo.

Big bodies of water, aka, the ocean

Ghosts.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day Nine: A Picture Of Your Friends

2010-10-27T11:43:00.000-05:00

Do it. Do it. Do it. ( name that movie)

Well, you're about to discover that I'm made of lame. It's just that I either rarely take pictures, & therefore do not have a lot of me & my friends or that the majority of my friends live far, far away, therefore we rarely see each other & get pictures.

So these from days long past will have to do, pig.

My very bff, B. Taken APRIL 2009!!

This is me with B's mom, Mrs. W or 'Fanny' as my kids & I call her. (Fanny is short for Fake Granny) Mrs. W. is not only one of my best friends, she's also my Mom. She's the best Mom & Fanny EVER.

This beautiful creature here is my cousin Sarah, & one of the most constant, best friends I've ever had. We have literally been bff's since the day I was born. This picture was taken at Sarah's wedding, & it's one of my favorites.


Last, but certainly not least, there is Ruthann. Besides Mrs. W., she is the only local friend I have. She & I grew close after B got married & moved away. We love God & running & dressing up like cows as to get free food.

I do have other friends than these that I've shown today, but these are my Besties whom I love very much.

Style File: Boys of Summer In.... October?

2010-10-26T12:19:00.002-05:00

This is a fun outfit for me. It's not something I'd wear to say-- parent/teacher meetings, but it is something I'd wear on a date with my Main Squeeze. This is about as layered as I can get right now in late October. Gotta love Texas.

Scarves: (Stripped) Wal-Mart, (Polka Dot) Target
Shirt: Forever 21
Skirt: Francesca's Boutique
Black Flats: Old Navy
My Beloved Red Wayfarers: Target

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day Eight: A Place I've Traveld To

2010-10-26T10:40:00.004-05:00

I found Bobby Fischer, y'all. He's right this way.

How's my title for a hanging preposition? Pretty, huh? Hanging prepositions haunted my high school years. My grammar teacher would make me re-write it: Places To Which I've Traveled.

But that sounds awkward & pretentious. Which has nothing to do with the actual subject of this blog. Moving on...

This is the Red Coral Ranch in Wimberley, Texas , & it's the first place that came to my mind when I thought of a place I've traveled to.

Beautiful, isn't it? & these pictures don't even do justice.

I chose this place as the place to share for several reasons: One is that it's where I spent on of the happiest weekends of my life. Every single memory of this place is as beautiful & glowy as these pictures.

I was at the Red Coral Ranch over the Fourth of July weekend in 2008 for my best friend B's wedding. I was her Matron of Honor.

& that's the second reason I chose this place for my places pick: this is where B got married. This is the place she & I scouted with her Mom in October the year before & where we fell in love with Texas all over again. This is where we spent the last days of her singlehood. This is where she was last Elizabeth W., which is bittersweet because after she became Elizabeth S., she moved far, far away.

I hope that parts of Heaven look like Texas, because it is so beautiful-- God must have known that the people on earth would wish for Texas in Heaven, otherwise he wouldn't have made it so amazing. This is a place & time I hope I'm allowed to go back to & relive in Heaven, if that's allowed, because it was so very close to Heaven that it should fit right in.

Me helping B with the finishing touches.

This is my daughter Audrey & me right before the wedding started. If there could have been a better wedding, I don't know of one. Not even my own. & I know that having a weekend wedding way off in the beautiful Hill Country is exactly what B wanted so that her guests would look back & remember it like this.

It was perfect.

Looking at these pictures & writing about them & that weekend has gotten me all emotional! I love you, B.

Style File: Dressed To Impress

2010-10-25T12:50:00.000-05:00

I really have no place to where this outfit. But I love wearing it & will dress up for my family, anyway. Besides, I rarely get to wear heels (even though I own a few pair) & liked slipping them back on, even if it was just for this picture.

Jacket: Rue 21 from like, EVER ago
Top: Old Navy
Belt: Stolen from SIL
Skirt: Wal-Mart
Shoes: Marshall's

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day Seven: My Favorite Movies

2010-10-25T08:54:00.002-05:00

Click HERE & add a year to your life. Maybe.

My all-time favorite movie:

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.

Random, right?

Yeah, I know. But seeing as how I grew up watching old timey westerns with my dad & that I have an undying love for documentaries, it makes sense that my number one movie would be a bio-pic about an outlaw. I dragged Ed to see the midnight showing of this movie because I was so excited to see it. Everything about this movie is beautiful & I could watch it over & over again.

Any documentary by Ken Burns, that's my next pick.

Whenever a new Ken Burns film comes out I cancel everything, put the kids to bed early & plant myself in front of the tv. The world is dead to me until the credits roll. & on any given afternoon, should you stop by, there will most likely be one of his films playing because, yes, I'm that nerdy. & yes, I have almost all of his films. My all-time favorite Ken Burns documentary is.......

THE WEST!!! Ha!

PBS DVD GOLD, baby!

Harry Pottah movies.

I love these movies because the story is excellent & because I wished I lived at Hogwarts. I never get tired of these movies. Also, J.K. Rowling is one of the coolest people out there. Respect.

Weekend: Don't Let The Door Hit Your Ass

2010-10-24T18:36:00.000-05:00

Isn't that a lovely picture? Running water? I think so. Especially because we lived for four days without water because our apartment complex was ordered by the City of Austin to add restricters to their water pipes as to save on water usage. What was supposed to take about 8 hours, took from Tuesday night until sometime Saturday to complete.

Actually, "complete" is a little inaccurate. There is still heavy machinery parked all around a big open hole, so there is still the possibility of being without water again, but I sure hope not.

It.was.AWFUL.

There was no water to flush toilets. I hauled-- on my shoulders-- UP THREE FLIGHTS -- 10 gallons of water just to flush our toilets. & that was after conserving the jugs of water until we really needed to flush.

Gag. It's ok. Here, we'll do it together.

Then there were River's cloth diapers. I usually wash them once every other day or every two days. Well, Wednesday was my wash day for his diapers & we all know how much water I had to wash them on Wednesday! So by Friday, the diaper pail was funky junky. We hauled it 17 miles to the in-laws to swish poop out of ten or so diapers & do laundry there. Thank you, Jesus, for in-laws.

Then there was Audrey throwing up in our bed.

Then there was River taking his diaper off during nap & popping a squat to squeeze out a number two in his crib.

Then there were the dishes that were piling up that couldn't been done.

& as far as I'm concerned-- then there was free or deeply discounted rent for the MAJOR inconvenience & health risks we were put through.

I've had enough contact with other people's bodily outputs to do me for a lifetime. I'm good, y'all.

So glad this weekend is over & our water is back on (hopefully forever).

Style File: I Was Up So High

2010-10-22T13:00:00.003-05:00

Another case of finding rarely worn pieces that I've had since before you were born. Until I started to take pictures of outfits that I can make from my existing wardrobe, I thought I needed a new wardrobe. I didn't think I had anything to wear. & honestly, it's only because we're poor college students & can't afford new clothes right now that I'm even giving my closet a second glance.

I've got to say, I'm really glad it's worked out this way.

Dress: Gap
Jacket: Kohl's
Boots: Target
Scarf: Wal-Mart (can you believe that shit?)
Bag: Target

& a big thanks to this girl. You take such great pictures, Sister Friend. (she picked out her own outfit. Cute, no?)

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day Six: A Picture Of Something That Makes Me Happy

2010-10-22T08:34:00.001-05:00

Fountain of Youth, right this way! CLICK HERE.

Finally! An easy & pleasant challenge!

When I saw that today's challenge was to post a picture of something that makes me happy, the first thing that came to mind were these guys:

Obviously. My three children, Clay, Audrey & River are what make me most happy. & they also happen to make me most annoyed sometimes. & grossed out-- Audrey throwing up her dinner in my bed, for example. & they make me worry the most. But they are also the biggest reason why I try & become a better person. Pretty much, they are my everything.

But I feel like it's a token answer to say my kids are what make me most happy. It's so obvious, I feel it's assumed & as such, somewhat of a cop-out to slap up a few pictures & call it a day.

That, & I just really want to use the cool new image feature in Blogger.

Take it as you will.

Other things that make my skirt fly up:

The day I slipped into a size four jeans again. This after three babies, several months of hard work, & 40lbs of baby weight gone. This was a good day, I tell you.

My home. This is a picture of my Young House Love inspired living room. I chose to "be heavily influenced", aka shameless copy, ideas from YHL because we both have a love for all things white & coincidentally, owned a lot of the same pieces of furniture. Last March, when I was looking for a way to re-vamp my decor, I decided to just take what I had & make like the Youngsters. It was a good choice. I still have yet to post my reveal pictures, but I will as soon as I get a few more things finished. I want it to be complete.

All that to say, I have always, from day one of my life, loved interior design. It is a part of the fabric of what makes me Heidi. & I firmly subscribe to the Oprah-ism that my house should rise up to meet me when I come home & mine does. It makes me happy.

source

Y'all, this is Austin. Austin from the view of a runner on Town Lake aka Lady Bird Lake in Downtown Austin. Isn't it beautiful? I love Austin & I love running & I love running in Austin at Town Lake. This makes me happy.

Run To Your Sister & Run To Your Brother

2010-10-21T20:39:00.001-05:00

& scream at the top of your lungs, "HEIDI IS FINALLY DONE WITH HER BLOG DESIGN!!!!", because that's what I'm doing right now. Screaming. Not sure yet if it's because I'm so got-dang happy that my blog is done & looking like I've always wanted it to, or if I'm screaming because of how much hair I pulled out during this process.

I'm very nearly bald.

There were points at which I thought my eyeballs were revolting against me because I was making them read more HTML codes. There was a specific instance when I thought I'd lost the ability to move my eyes from left to ride as to read-- like I broke them on HTML. There were also several moments where I was at once ready to sob & then in the next beat jumping for joy because I figured it out.

Y'all, I looked it up just now & HTML stands for Hate This Mothereffin' Life.

That may or may not be true. I embellish sometimes. A little.

Thankfully, I had Sydney helping me as much as she could & also Ed helped out here & there.

Sooooo, what do y'all think?! Yes? Pretty? Leave me a comment & become a follower, 'cause I'd kinda love that.

Water, Water Everywhere, But Not A Drop To Drink & 30 Day Blog Challenge: Day Five: Your Siblings

2010-10-21T10:59:00.001-05:00

Last night was like a comedy of errors, only there weren't really any errors involved, per se, & eventually, the weird stuff that kept happening stopped being funny.

Or maybe that's just how I see it because by the time I went to bed in the wee hours of this morning, I'd been sitting at my computer diligently working on making a new blog design. Well, it's not really new, new. I am allowing myself to be strongly influenced by a fellow bloggers blog that I came across recently. The sight of which in all it simple, WHITE goodness, nearly made me jizz in my pants.

I cannot tell you how long I've been in search of a stylish, simple, clean white blog. It's been like, forever. The one I currently have is nowhere near where I've always wanted my blog to be, but this is the only one that looked semi-custom without all the tacky embellishments that make me go "ack". I like personalized & clean. Not "ack".

Sydney, of The Daybook, designed for herself pretty much exactly what I've always wanted. So I contacted her & asked if she'd mind me strongly referencing her blog. She is super sweet, y'all. Not only was she cool with it, she helped me through some pretty hairy html/graphic design software spots. Phew. I insist everyone go & look at her pretty blog & her pretty face & her pretty hair (she's blonde & we all know how I feel about blondes) & her pretty clothes right this moment. I'm 100% sure y'all will like her as much as I do.

So, all that to say, I was up driving myself crazy with redesigning my blog, so there was that comedic non-error.

& then there was the water situation. Our street has acquired a new fire station & that somehow meant that the water to our apartment had to be turned off all day yesterday. Except that by the time I went to bed at 2AM, it hadn't yet been turned back on.... & now, at 10:45AM, IT IS STILL OFF.

Our water being off isn't in & of itself a comedic thing unless you consider that toilets take water to flush. Yeah. Ew.

& hands take water to wash after one changes dirty diapers. Oh yeah. Don't shake my hand. Really.

& perhaps best of all, the bedding that was on our bed when Audrey threw her dinner up all over it needs water to be washed.

At this point I chuckle. Because what the eff else can I do? Not brush my teeth? Mk. Done. Could I get nastier? All I can say is THANK GOD last week was Aunt Flo's visit & not this week. ::thankgod::

-------------------------------

Eighth Wonder of the World is just a click away, y'all

So in today's challenge, I'm supposed to write about my siblings. I have a sister name Kerri, & a half-brother named Larry that I've never met because when his mother & my dad parted ways, she took him & raised him far, far away.

Kerri is 18 months older than minus one day. Kerri had a tough childhood due to some pretty horrific things happening to her at a young age, so after my parents divorced & my mom was raising the two of us by herself, my mom put Kerri into a home for troubled children.

It wasn't that Kerri was a bad kid. She didn't really do naughty things. It was just that the trauma of the thing that happened to her really upset her emotionally & she she could be hard to manage by oneself.

I think I was six when Kerri moved to the home for children, & although we visited her several times a week, from that point on through the rest of my childhood, I felt pretty sibling-less. Eventually, Kerri was able to come home & live with us again, but at that point I'd moved to my dad's house permanently & Kerri stayed with my mom. Because we grew up in different states (me in Colorado & Michigan, her in North Carolina) we didn't see each other often.

I wish I had a picture of us together to post, but those are pretty rare & it seems I don't have one. Even though Kerri & I basically grew up separately, she is my sister & that feels significant in my heart. We grew fairly close at the end of our teens years, as close as we could be, anyway, & that seems to have held steady these last several years.

Style File: Shadow Stabbing

2010-10-20T12:21:00.001-05:00

Follow my blog with bloglovin

Audrey was pointing the camera down a bit. Good thing. This is a good shot of my shoes.

I love her fuzzy finger in the bottom of the pictures.

I wore this rocker-esque outfit to pick Audrey up from the bus. It's a bit breezy today so I thought the blazer would be ok. By the time I got home & before these pictures were taken, I was ready to peel the blazer off & leave it forever. Peeling it off is just what I had to do as the lining inside was silky. A good, classic blazer, though.

Anyone that knows me knows I love pearls, so I wanted to soften up the black & insert a lot of Heidi into this otherwise simple outfit. I added the diamond necklace because, why not? It's super decadent but it really works for everyday... 'least I think so.

& the shoes I'm wearing? They are rubber black flats that I bought sooo many years ago & have loved ever since. I have yet to find another pair that out do these.

Blazer- Salvation Army
Black Tank- Miley Cyrus for Wal-Mart (I know, I know, but it was cheap & cute!)
Jeans- Old Navy
Belt- Khol's
Best Black Flats EVER- Old Navy circa 1920 or something
Diamond Necklace- Thrifted
Pearl Necklaces- various places
Clutch- Vintage, Thrifted
Sunglasses- Thrifted

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day Four: Your Parents

2010-10-20T08:52:00.000-05:00

Want to know the secret to life? Click here!

Whoa, now. This is getting personal. & challenging. Not good.

That's what I thought what I read what today's challenge would be. 'Cause this won't be an easy post for me.

Let's just dive in, shall we?

My parents names are Larry & Lisa. What's cooler (at least I always thought so) is that while they were married, they had identical initials. LGC. I bet that was something they cherished when they were in love. & there's the crux of this post & why it's difficult. The "when" in that sentence. It's haunting. At least for me it is.

I would like this post to be as short & concise as possible. It's not that I don't have really lovely things to say about my parents, it's that there is just so much that can be said.

But as I heard on a movie about sex addicts recently, it's better to focus on/effect good in my life rather than to just wait for the bad to happen. In my sometimes twisty mind, that means that it would be a wise choice to briefly focus on the lovely parts of my parents for the purpose of this challenge & my blog.

Well start with Larry, aka, my Daddy:

Really, there are pretty much only lovely things to be said about my Pappy-le peu, as I call him. To his face. Yes, he's that awesome.

I've always been a Daddy's girl, so when my parents divorced when I was five, I was devastated that he moved out. I can go into more detail about how I'd stand by the window, looking for him to come home & how my mother said something like if I watched & waited for the water to boil, it never would, but that will give me & everyone reading my blog a bad case of the Sads, & who wants that?

It wasn't that my Dad never came around anymore, it was that he didn't live with us & because we were so close, it was tough. Then he moved out of state for a few months for work & I'm pretty sure that was my first ever heartbreak. But he came back, I remember that day vividly, & from that point on, my Dad was my God. We were besties. & at seven, I moved to his house permanently. That was one of the best days of my life.

I love that I can say that my Dad adored me. He absolutely did not want to be anywhere else but with his girls when we were growing up. & yes, the teen years were a bit rough in spots, but there was never any doubt as to whether or not he loved me & my sister. My dad & I are still best friends in a lot of ways--like when we talk on the phone it can be for hours. Literally, just chit-chatting. I love him with all of my heart-- that's what he says to me still to this day.

Now let's move to my mother, Lisa:

This is where it will be short because there isn't much to say. I haven't lived with my mom since I was seven. From that age until now I've only seen her a handful of times. We've always had a stressed relationship, from the very beginning. Unlike my dad, I cannot say I have wonderful memories with her & that does make me feel sad. I do wish I could have grown up with a mother & that mine would be made better choices as my mom, but these are the cards I was dealt, so I'll play them the best I can.

Done? Yes? Can I be done? I can because it's my blog, you say? K. Good.

Mash That Button Over There To The Right....

2010-10-19T22:41:00.000-05:00

I spoke to an IRL friend this afternoon who reads my blog & she mentioned that she would totally become a follower, but she couldn't find where on my blah-guh to do so. So I moved the follow button up a bit on my page so it's not so buried.

Like anyone else, I would love to know who reads my blog & if you feel so compelled, (which I hope you do), click on the "follow" button. As far as I know, you absolutely do not have to sign up for an account, or even have gmail.

So click it, click it good ( pretty please). It would make my day & you will receive a check in the mail.

**important notice: I did not say the check would be coming from me. In fact, I really can't say for sure if a check will be coming for you in the mail anytime soon, but if one should happen to show up-- ever -- just remember, it's because you clicked my "follow" button.

Heidi Outfitted

2010-10-19T12:13:00.000-05:00

Thank you again to my daughter Audrey, who is just four years old, for taking such great pictures of your Mommy. We're both having such fun & making great memories in the meantime.

Other than being happy that I'm finally posting pictures of my clothing, I am very happy what taking pictures of what I'm wearing has done for me these last two days. It's given me a reason to get dressed! Even if the only reason I leave the house is to get my kids fro the bus, I sure feel fabulous. Not only that, but being dressed makes it awfully hard to get back into bed during the day & it's strangely motivating to get other stuff done around the house. Being a full-time SAHM means that I'm my own boss, pace-setter, schedule-keeper, & as such, it's safe to say that I don't hold myself to stringently to deadlines or standards.

Obviously, this is all for the good then. :-)

Dress: American Appearal

Button Down: J Crew

Shrug: Francesca's Boutique

Flats: Tar-zay

Rings: Thrifted

Necklaces: Anthropology (white candle) Target (long beaded)
Sunny's: Target

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day Three: Your First Love

2010-10-19T10:22:00.000-05:00

If you click this link, you will be guaranteed happiness for life.
(guarantee not valid in all 50 States)

My first love is the man I married.

Our story begins when we were just infants because that's when we met. As babies. Least that's what I tell everyone, because when we met, we were both still in our tender teens years. I was 15, Ed was 18.

Ed thought I was really pretty & I thought he was kind of short. He was very persistent from day one that I should know he liked me-- he starred at me constantly, would talk to me at any chance he had a free moment, he was always in the same room I was in & finally, he asked me if I would mind him writing me letters.

I, on the other hand, thought he was embarrassing. Yes, he was cute, but he was from Texas, & there was no way I would be like someone from Texas (at the time we met, I lived in Michigan & he was there going to school). Besides that, he was sort of a bad boy & that was conflicting. However, it didn't take long for me to soften to him & by the time he asked if he could write me, I was pretty smitten.

Oh, those foolish teen years.

So after three years of writing & countless hours spent on the phone talking about lord knows what, we got married. Because when you're 18 & 21, three years seems like an eternity to have been together & we thought we should do something about that. Also, at 18 & 21, the thought of waiting until we were both through college was out of question. There was no way we could wait that long, especially because we had a long distance relationship.

& so we married.

Here I am with my bridesmaids & flower girl. We had a very traditional church wedding. This is exactly how I'd imagined it as a girl.

My most favorite picture of all my wedding pictures. This is my dad & me right before he walked me down the isle.

Another favorite. This is my Grandma Boots who has since passed. She was my only living grandparent at the time of my wedding & it was so wonderful to have her there.

Ed & me as we were about to leave the church to start our honeymoon & life together.

A little over a year after our wedding, this picture was taken. That's us as toddlers holding our first child, Clay, when he was about 4 months old. Yes, we had a baby within the first year of marriage, no we didn't have a shotgun wedding. Swearsies.

Last Monday, Ed & I celebrated our seventh year of marriage & I would be lying if I didn't say that it was somewhat of a solemn celebration. Marriage is tough, y'all. Especially when you start it like we did-- very young ::read underdeveloped for marriage::., poor, not done with school, & babies right away. We just lobbed in onto ourselves & it has not been easy. But we're still here-- like a cockroach, (did I just compare my marriage to a nasty bug? :-/) & we've come a very long way in the ten years we've been together & the seven years we've been married.

I mean look, my hair color has even changed. A couple of times.

My First Ever Outfit Post

2010-10-18T12:39:00.000-05:00

I have always, ALWAYS wanted to do these. I am very inspired by bloggers like What I Wore, Clamour for Glamour, The Sartorialist, Jen Loves Kev, & my all-time fave, This Time Tomorrow.I've followed these ladies & many others for a looooong time, always wishing I had the right camera, clothes/money to buy clothes, locations, blah, blah blah to do what they do. Well, today I've decided excuses no more!

I like what I'm wearing today, & even though almost all the pieces are as ancient as days & my photographer is my four year old daughter using my iPhone for a camera, I think these first pics are a success! I just want to have fun with this, & I think anyone can tell from the pictures, my daughter & I did!

It's super awkward to take fashion pictures. But great fun!

My favorite fashion blogger, KRYSTAL, always looks down in her pictures. This is an ode to her.

While looking down, I realized I was missing my shoes... I went to get them....

But my sweet Audrey kept taking pictures. She's so good, no?

Yes, it's October. Yes, I'm still wearing sandals. I live in Texas, y'all!

Audrey looked up from behind the camera & gave me instructions: "Mama, take off your glasses, they're too dark & I can't see your face." Yes'm.

Well! That was fun! Did I do alright for my first ever fashion post? Maybe next time I'll be sure to repaint my finger nails first. :-)

Sweater: Forever 21
Shorts: Old Navy
Shoes: Old Navy
Candle Necklace: Anthropology
Charm Necklace: Forever 21
Jade Ring: Texas State Rodeo
Red Wayfarers: Target

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day Two: Meaning Behing My Blog Name

2010-10-18T09:29:00.000-05:00

If you click HERE, you will win a million dollars. Maybe. Possibly. Not likely.

Well, I can make this as long & complicated a story as I'd like, because as I think about my blog name, sooo many memories come up.

But I'll only make it medium complicated. It's still only 9:30am & I can't handle more than medium complicated before noon.

Playground Diva was a nickname that a friend's uncle gave her when she was little.

So there's the long & short of it. I told y'all I was a copy-cat! Number fifteen on my first 30 Day Blog Challenge! I straight up stole my blog name from my friend & her uncle.

Well kind of...

Way the hey back in 2007, I got it into my head that I should start a fashion blog. So I did. It was a lot of fun, but a lot of work & it kind of fell off after a while for various reasons. However, during that time I thought of lots of cool blog names & snagged them up just in case I might ever like to use them. One of them was Playground Diva, because although she didn't then & still doesn't now, I was hoping that friend would want to have a blog with me one day & would like to use that old nickname.

Well, after almost three years & lots of change to my other, now private blog, I decided it was time to start a new public blog that was somewhat personal, but also light. Because I'm a Mama, I thought Playground Diva was fitting, & so I asked my friend if I could use the blog name, & the rest is history!

I rather like it, don't you?

A Brief Update On Polygamy

2010-10-17T23:49:00.000-05:00

I chuckle to myself when I think that one night, in an effort to make myself sleepy & catch some shut-eye, I blogged about polygamy. I'm looking at myself, slowly shaking my head & mouthing, "what the f....".

No matter. It worked & I slept well. End of story.... or is it.... is it?

No. It isn't. Because I'm not made of pure lame sauce, so I decided to follow up a bit on THAT POST & put into bullet points why I may no longer think polygamy should be legalized.

-Polygamy seems to be a breeding ground for molestation. Because men are on the look-out for new wives, they generally look to young women-- waaaay young--- like 8-9 year old girls, to be their wives. While they don't normally marry the girls that young, the girls are picked out, set apart, & have been taken as a wife as young as 14-15 years old. This doesn't seem to be a rare occurrence.
-Polygamy pushed out the young boys/men. Up-&-coming husband, aka, teens boys, are often shunned by the polygamist community as they are viewed as competition for the older, already established men/husbands. Not good for families.
-Polygamy allows for the neglect of women. Because most polygamist families have more than three or four wives (like on Sister Wives), the women in the marriage often struggle with intense loneliness & feelings of neglect on the part of their husband's. It seems it's very much like being a single mother trapped in a bad marriage, which bring me to my next point--
-In polygamy, women are usually just that, trapped. Should a women choose to leave the marriage & family, she is most likely kissing her children goodbye forever. If she does want to be with/see her kids again, usually, she has to sneak them out & literally run away. & no, this isn't exclusive to extreme sects of polygamy, such as FDLS. It is present in more "modern" polygamist communities, as well.

My Sources:

Polygamy.org
Cele/bitchy

The second link will link to lots & lots more about the life of a woman in a polygamist home. It seems that although it isn't fair for polygamy to be outlawed simply based on the fact that it means there is more than one wife, it might be a good idea to keep it illegal for the reasons stated above. Who knows if that's why Utah, Arizona, Texas & other states have outlawed it, but it seems like good enough reasons to me.

Going back & watching more of the Sister Wives episodes, I doubt very much the happiness of the original three wives once the forth wife enters the picture. It seems fishy to me that she is coming in at all, but that is a whole other post that I don't care to write. I would love feedback, but no worries if this post is ignored. This was a bizarre post series as it is. :-)

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day One: Introduce, Recent Picture, 15 Facts

2010-10-17T23:17:00.000-05:00

Alright, here's the peer pressure: DO IT WITH ME

Hiya. I'm Heidi & as you can see from the most recent picture taken of me, I have bangs now (which I haven't had since I was 15 & FOR GOOD REASON!) & I always take bitch-face self pics. Apparently I hate the way I look when I smile....? I don't know, but for whatever reason, I always pull a Zoolander, & try (& fail, I might add) to look fierce in pictures when I think no one is looking.

Other than that, I am 25, married, have three-- YES THREE-- children & love the color white. Oh, & I've been blogging (sometimes regularly) for the past four years. Hopefully, this 30 day blog challenge will kick me into gear & I'll start blogging on a daily basis again like I used to.

15 Facts About Me

one: I really do love the color white. best color evah.

two: If I could have any job ever, I'd be an editorial makeup artist, working for Vogue & at the Fashion Weeks of the world.

three: I married super young. 18.

four: hair, that is, loose hair, is more disgusting to me than most anything else. Especially if I find it in my food. Meal's over, Hooker.

five: I say Hooker. A lot.

six: I'm a runner.

seven: I'm a kid from a broken family. At 25 it still hurts.

eight: I really disliked animals when I was younger. Truthfully, I was a meanie head to them. Now, I'm a flippin' bleeding heart for them. Go figure.

nine: my favorite food is diet coke.

ten: diet coke isn't a food? Ok, well, on a related note, I think humor is pretty freakin' attractive. Not that I think I'm funny. Oh hell. ::footinmouth::

eleven: I have a Twitter. & I looooooove it.

twelve: I am full of myself (hence the twitter account). But so are you.

thirteen: As a kid, I never went to the same elementary school for more than one year in a row. As a result, now that I'm grown, I want/basically have lived in the same place for years in a row.
thirteen: I get girl crushes for blonde women. Sienna Miller, this girl here, & Gwyneth Paltrow. I could stare at them all.day.long. So pretty.

fourteen: my one wish in life is to die before my kids do. I've seen the grief of a parent mourning their child & this is my one wish.

fifteen: I am the biggest, fattest, honkin'est copy cat around. There is not a creative bone in my B-O-D-Y. I'm even copying my cousin Sarah in doing this 30 day challenge thingy. But being a copy-cat works wonderfully for me, & so I carry on.

oops! I added two 13's!!

I Finally Have A "Follow" Button!!

2010-10-17T22:35:00.000-05:00

The very few who have commented on my blog have said there is no way to follow me & add me into their reader, so it makes it pretty hard to keep up with my entries (not that I've been posting a lot lately). So, I finally figured out that I can add a 'follwers' button to my blog, thus solving the problem!!

Click it, click it good.

Maybe This'll Make Me Sleepy

2010-09-29T01:42:00.001-05:00

I think polygamy should be legalized.

No, I'm not LDS, or FDL, or Mormon of any kind. I don't have Mormon relatives nor do I even know a Mormon in real life. Every now & then I'll see two happy Mormon kids on bikes, riding around with backpacks, converting the world to Mormonism one person at a time, but that's the closest I've ever been to a Mormon. Except for the time two Mormons had the hapless chance of knocking on the door my Southern Baptist in-laws. My MIL gave them an ear full & I felt badly for those baby-faced missionaries who were probably thinking that if they ever did decide to switch religions, they sure as hell wouldn't go Baptist. Those Baptist really are firey folk. But that has nothing to do with polygamy. I think.

I watched the first episode on TLC called 'Sister Wives', & then read that the Utah government is investigating the family for bigamy & it got me thinking... Polygamy, when it concerns two (or more, as it were) consenting adults should be legal. It's a lifestyle choice, just as monogamy & homosexual relationships are. I think polygamy will be the next big cultural hurdle us Westerners have to jump, & most definitely it will be a moral issue just as gay marriage & even divorce have been. I suppose I should mention, before assumptions are made or panties are bunched, that this is my political stance, not personal.

Whatever I may feel about polygamy personally doesn't have any impact on my view which is that it seems fundamentally wrong that monogamy & homosexuality should be legal but not polygamy.

& because it's 1:40am, that's the current extent of what my brain can process into thoughts, but I'd like to hear yours, fair & imaginary readers of mine, if you wouldn't mind sharing. I should like to rest up & write about this more when I'm a notch more than half conscious.

Polygamy FTW!

Ha! I just wrote that.

K, bedtime now.

This Week In Meals

2010-09-19T23:12:00.001-05:00

I've gotten to a point in my weight loss/health/fitness journey where I'm not sure if I should accept where I am as where I should be or if I should regard this place as a challenging point to really go for it & reach my ultimate goal.

That was all one sentence y'all. Is that allowed?

A brief recap:

I'm a runner now. Running has officially become my main source of exercise. Never would I ever had guessed that I'd be a runner. But I am. & I love it.

For the last two or three months I've been stuck at a certain weight, about six pounds over my goal weight. This hadn't bothered me much, even as I started training for the half-marathon I signed up for that will take place in January. I love to eat, especially TexMex, & while losing 40ish pounds obviously means I eat pretty good, I know that I could eat better & always suspected that if I did, I might be able to reach my ultimate weight goal.

End recap-- that brought me to where I am now. I honestly wonder & have been much bothered by the question of whether changing my eating would result in launching me out of this rut & into my goal, or if it would do that, but only until I started eating normally again. Meaning eating NOT like I will be for these next six days.

I told Ed all about my concerns & he really only responded by saying, "Well, you'll never know if you don't try. & trying won't kill you."

Yes. Thank you.

I can appreciate his straight-to-the-point approach now, but at that moment, I was feeling a little miffed.

But his advice, though Spartan in it's delivery, seemed sound, & so I've made plans to eat a very specific diet this week & see what happens.

Here are some pictures of my plan:

A veggie-keeping ziplock with the contents of my lunch.

Pictured, though blurry (bad lighting + iPhone='s the above pic) is a single sized serving of cottage cheese, a honkin' handful & a half of organic dark leafy green lettuce leaves, & a ziplock of boneless skinless chicken breast that I cooked, cut & measured into one cup serving size.

Six bags of Heidi-made lunches ready for me! It took a bit of planning & cooking ahead of time, but honestly, I'm really excited about the prospect of having a weeks worth of lunches-- HEALTHY lunches-- ready for me. I'm pretty lazy, but this seems worth the effort already.

This is my fave breakfast cereal & I already love eating the same thing for breaky everyday, so this was a no-brainer. However...

Ooooh yes! I divvied up my cereal into proper serving sizes too! I figured if I'm going to try to eat specifically, I might as well be specific!

& like the salad, I just tucked all my bags back into the original packaging. Easy!

& there's my dinner, all ready & packaged! I made sure to think of something healthy AND enjoyable for din-din. If I'm going to eat the same thing every day for six days, I'd better really like it. & I really like these organic frozen dinners.

& I even have this brand new Nalgene to drink water from all week, as well. Isn't she pretty? I call her Genie.

Now, a little insight into the method behind my madness: I've heard & read that taking the guesswork out of what to eat for breakfast & lunch by eating the same thing everyday helps prevent over eating & binging because of hunger. Because I'm at the maintenance stage of my weight loss, I figure this would be a good thing for me to do in general, & so naturally, I'll be doing it this week. The only difference is that I'm simplifying my life even more by eating the same thing for dinner, too. I do not expect to always do that.

I'm hoping that because I removed all questions of what's to eat that I'll be able to focus on eating at about the same time everyday, too. Again, I am SURE that just like in working out, routine is key in eating for weight loss/maintenance as well.

I'm also interested to learn about my hunger patterns & how well I deal with not snacking at night, which can be a pretty emotional issue for me. Let's see if I go through withdrawal, shall we? :-)

So that's basically it. Questions & comments are welcome. That's assuming anyone reads my blog! :-)

Badly Written Update

2010-09-19T20:50:00.001-05:00

Well, I ended up attending the graveside funeral for Margret. It was very sad, but in the end, I'm glad I went.

Becca cried through most of it. When she saw me we were walking towards each other & we hugged for a long time. She cried pretty hard at that point. It was tough.

Seeing that little white casket was awful. But the message Nick & Becca's pastor gave was absolutely perfect. Very encouraging & left me with an image of that sweet baby in Jesus' arms. The whole of the funeral lasted less than an hour & Nick & Becca left soon after. Everyone that was left stood for a bit to chat but the funeral director shooed us away. Because we'd drive about 25 miles to cemetery, I thought we'd have an early dinner as a family. Everyone needed to go home & finish homework & such before school tomorrow, so that was a no-go. Ed was ok with the idea of dinner, though, & we took our little family to Opal Devine's. Very yummy.

After, I mentioned to Ed that I wanted to get a new Nalgene water bottle because my current Nalgene is a beaker-neck which makes it hard to clean. After a rather stressing day, it was pretty cool of him to oblige me stopping at REI-- he was even cooler when I discovered I'd bought the wrong sized splash guard & had to run back in to exchange it. When we got home, he immediately went to chill on the pooter for a bit. Haha.

I put my very tired children to bed about an hour early tonight. As soon as I did that, I got out the ziplock bags I bought & all the food I plan to eat this next week & divvied it all up. I have six days of cereal, salad w/chicken breast & organic frozen dinners (heh) ready & waiting to be effortlessly eaten. & a new green Nalgene to drink copious amounts of water from.

So This Is The Space Between A Rock & A Hard Place?!

2010-09-19T01:58:00.001-05:00

My BIL/SIL Nick & Becca were pregnant. Becca was 22 weeks along when on Monday she had a sonogram & discovered the baby had died. Devastating news to all of us.

The basic facts seem to be that no one knows why Nick & Becca's baby died. She just did. & even though none of us got to know her, we've all grieved for her as if she had lived among us. I commented to my MIL that it feels very much like a death in the family; like someone is missing.

Nick & Becca have chosen to have a funeral for their sweet girl, Margret Jacquelyn. I understand & fully support them in their decision. But tomorrow is her graveside funeral & I'm losing sleep over this. I want to be there for Nick & Becca-- it's fully expected & so it should be, I guess, but I'm really not digging the idea of being in the children's section of a cemetery.

Josh is buried next to the children's section of his cemetery. Thankfully, he just far enough away, that it's pretty difficult to read the headstones whether on purpose or on accident. But once, while I was visiting Josh's grave, I walked up the path going towards where all the children are buried & I got a glance of the infant section. It was a nano second glance, but I had trouble breathing. Somethings just stick with you, & seeing the dates on those headstones has haunted me since.

I really, really, REALLY don't want to purposefully go anywhere near or worse yet, INTO the children's section of the cemetery. I'm pretty sure I can't hack it. Say what you will, this is just the way in which I'm sensitive, & I'm afraid I might have a full-on freak out tomorrow.

& I'm really hating myself for this right now because this is so not about me. It's about Nick & Becca & being there for them while they lay their girl to rest. But, no lie, my dinner is rising up into my throat as I type this, thinking about being near the graves of children.

As it stands right now, I'm going, but do I have to? Can I sit in the car, stay at their apartment, close my eyes & be led through the whole ceremony like a blind person? I don't want to see the box she's in or be there to see a child put into the ground. I just don't think I can do it!

What can I do? Ohhh my goodness.

It's 1AM. That's My Title.

2010-08-31T01:57:00.001-05:00

It's almost one o'clock in the morning. I'm so awake. My heart is really aching, so much so that I cannot sleep.

My hubby is snoozing away next to me completely unaware. Maybe I'll tell him tomorrow. Probably not, though. I need to sort this mess out a bit more before I dump it on him to share it's load. As it is, I am the one who afflicted myself with this broken heart, so I feel, at least for the time being, that I should go it alone. (Except, B, if you read this & decide to call me & chit-chat about it, I might not mind. I miss you in general, but man, it's times like these when I sorely miss you being more than just a phone call away.)

I decided to play a game with myself on Twitter where I got honest about myself (read so frustrated that I had to blurt it out for someone to hear, like letting a wound or something) & listed all the shitty attributes about myself that make me human.

Ok not all, but all that could fit into three Twitter posts. Here are some:

1. I'm lazy
2. I'm impatient. My poor children suffer the most because of this, not that Ed isn't also afflicted, too.
3. I'm judgemental. Say what I will, I point one finger at others & three back at me. (thumb doesn't really point anywhere, does it?)
4. I'm critical. Because like love & marriage, or a horse & carriage, I can't have one without the other (speaking of judgement & critical)
5. I'm prideful.
6. I'm lazy. One more time with feeling.
7. I'm inconsistent. EXTREMELY frustrating.
8. Easily angry as of late.

Shall I tag on the cliche that because I'm a sinful human being this list could go on & on or can we all just agree that I know that, you know that, my cat knows that & be done with it?

The last few days I've been walking around heavy with the knowledge of just how rotten I really am.

For those who may read my blog & don't agree with the Christian idea of fallen, sinful man who will go to Hell without C-H-R-I-S-T living in your H-E-A-R-T, just know that although I ack at organized religion in general, down in my heart, I do buy into the whole "only by Jesus the One True God will any of us be saved", deal.

It's true stuff, dudes.

But that means that I believe I'm not a generally good human if left to my own devices. So, feel free to skip this post if you're not down with that or in the mood to read about my spirituality.

Back to how rotten I am: Usually, I can & do abide fairly well with myself, knowing that although I eff up lots everyday (reference list above for instances), I'm not out there stealing my neighbors ox, or baring false witness or something like that. & even though those things aren't worse 'sins' than losing my shit with my kids because they won't shush so Mommy can hear Oprah, somehow I'd feel worse about committing them. But every now & then, I do commit a sin that I feel very badly about soon after & I can feel it's weight for days.

I am my own worst enemy. In a lot of ways, no one can really hurt me as badly as I can hurt myself:

I can justify my actions before committing them.
Cut.
I can ignore all my internal warnings.
Cut again.
Not tell anyone about all the moral sirens wailing within.
Cutting more.
I can seek out exactly what I know I want but is forbidden, be it a cookie, or a friend with whom to gossip, or an especially mean thing to say to my husband.
Cut deeply.
I can do the thing, lying all the way. Screaming over my conscience about how this isn't wrong, it feels so good.
Cutting deeper.
I alone can shut myself off, numb to God as not to feel the pain from my sin.
Deepest cut.

& so goes my own self destruction. There are certain things that I, Heidi, struggle with that others may not; certain sins that more easily snare me. I'm aware enough of myself & heart to know what those things are & have learned how to avoid them, generally. But sometimes I get lax in my vigilance. I get prideful. I dip my toe in. I go straight for it instead of around it.

I always come out in so much pain afterwards.

& so I am now. In so much pain, wishing I wasn't me. Wishing Adam & fucking Eve could have left the damned fruit alone. Realizing that, metophorically, I have that choice presented to me over & over in life. Depending upon how I choose, I can either stay in a less-worse world or make this life as close to Hell as me & my family will ever know.

Right now, that's motivation enough to never even think of going near the sin that cuts so deep, but how long will that last? I worry about my decision making skills because they suck. I worry.